The biggest, most bizarrely over-the-top film that Bollywood could dream up this year should be so properly formulaic-yet-original as to render 100 crore openings passé.
The magical images swirling into view in the filmi crystal ball suggest 2013’s “super-duper hit”, in the archaic phraseology of long-dead film magazines with names such as Super and Star&Style, could include a clump of shiny stars and a convoluted plot whose knots are satisfyingly unravelled in the last scene after everyone has had their turn at doing synchronised pelvic thrusts and bosom wiggles.
Perhaps we’ll be treated to an entertainer that references a masala classic, like Amar, Akbar, Anthony with its improbably satisfying storyline and simple retelling of the secular dream of unity in diversity. Remaking this perfect Manmohan Desai confection would set the box office jumping especially if the leads are played by the reigning triumvirate of Aamir, Shah Rukh and Salman. Alas, no one knows if a director brave enough to suffer heart attacks, hair loss and stress-induced halitosis, someone who also promises not to keel over before the project is wrapped up, exists.
So, realistically speaking, moviegoers will probably have to be satisfied with less-humongous multi-starrers like Race 2 and Dhoom 3, which, in the general scheme of things, isn’t half bad. Still, you battle a sense of deep wistfulness as you wonder how the three Khans would look together and how perfect they’d look warbling qawwalis, jumping out of Easter eggs in silly top-hats and kicking butt in a well-fitting police vardi, sigh!
It would be enough to give the public, now nostalgic for vintage Bolly-illogicality, a great collective orgasm while redefining the idea of the big ticket film forever. If that isn’t fantastic enough, surely someone could be cajoled into making this the year of the all-time favourite epic, and unleash The Mahabharata on the big screen with Lord of the Rings-style special effects married to 3D.
Krrish 3 is what will make it to the screens this year, but Amar Akbar Anthony Redux is what’s on this writer’s incredible wishlist.
One can dream.