Dulha Mil Gaya
Director: Mudassar Aziz
Actors: Fardeen Khan, Sushmita Sen
Rating: *
 
Donzai is the debonair of the West Indies, the cad who can’t commit. He throws away millions of bucks merely partyin’ for a livin’. The gate of his house has the imprint ‘D’ -- inside’s a pool full of white unknowns. He has bronze hair that changes colours, face that squares to the double chin, and a belly that doesn't show. He still walks around and lights up ciggies with a particular swagger. Fardeen Khan at best appears a parody even before attaining the fame of his normal self.

Sushmita Sen’s Shimmer, the diva, with love for a little dog. She’s a super-model of the Windies, who delivers husky instructions to her minions around, when she’s not changing costumes.

The hero walks to the "latreen” in DDLJ-aded Punjab for a simple, spectacled girl he must marry (and dump) to keep his dad’s inheritance. The diva takes on that orphan girl and turns her into a pretty temptress Donzai can only pine for.

Rakesh Roshan, in the ‘90s, could have made use of this before-interval, after-interval script. But then that’s already done. There are two more romantic scripts in here: a jobless DJ going through crisis with this girlfriend.

And then the deadly diva’s very own boyfriend: Shah Rukh Khan, make that in caps, thank you. He can buy off an entire bar along with its last drink; jump the ocean for his girl’s toy; dance in shades, and Pathani suits: a super-star made self-conscious, self-serious, self-self on every scene!

The mother’s diary is read out. The 'karva chauth' song’s been choreographed. Donzai’s been instantly tamed. Everything’s all over the place. Distributors are ecstatic.

I check my cellphone for the time yet again. The filmmakers could’ve checked for the year (they were making this film in as well).