I am in 11th standard and in love with a girl from my school. We started talking a couple of months ago. But because we are from different streams, we hardly get to spend time together. What should I do? —Mr Helpless
When you say stream Mr Helpless, you’re not talking about a water body are you? I mean, it’s not the Atlantic Ocean, right? Geographically speaking, she’s just a room or a floor away. If you’re already talking, that’s winning 50 per cent of the battle. I base this statement on my research in Delhi. In Delhi, most fights involve over 50 per cent of talking shouting, threatening, vigorous stretching and very little actual physical fighting. So don’t use the ‘stream’ as an excuse. Remember how the world’s greatest reptile Froggy crossed the golden river to land on Mrs. Froggy. Let’s wish the same for you.
I am a great fan of your column. I am 16 and I love my boyfriend, but my best friend gets upset if I talk about him. She says she hates him. I love my boyfriend and cannot leave my friend. Please help. —Confused Idiot
Confused, firstly I’m a Leo, so if you flatter me I’ll be your friend for life. Presently your social circle is already crowded. You don’t need me hanging around now do you? The great mathematician, Pythagoras, espoused the theory that men are like apples and women like oranges. Don’t mix them. That is, have a separate relationship with your apple, and then give some time to your orange. Also hint to your girlfriend that you need to be with your apple exclusively, from time to time. Pythagoras wrote in Latin, so the theory may be lost in the translation. Try it anyway and then write back to me.
I am 17 and have been in love with a girl for three years. She lives in my colony. I even texted her a month ago, and told her how I feel. But she hasn’t replied. So I called her and she didn’t reciprocate. However, she still talks to me and tells me everything about her life. Does she love me? —Nikhil Parab
Interesting Nikhil, very interesting. It’s like when a traffic light goes green and red at the same time. It happens at Horniman circle after 6 in the evening. In fact, I must tell you the Beatles explained your situation in their hit song ‘Hello goodbye’. Even though she said no to you, the fact that she’s regularly talks to you means that the door is still open. My wife kept saying ‘no’ to me, even when I didn’t want to marry her. But her persistence paid off and today one of us is very happy. So play along and bide your time.
I was in a relationship with a guy of my age for a year. It’s been two years since we split and a few months ago, he sent me an SMS saying he still loves me. We parted ways because he was over-possessive. Now he wants to be friends and says that he misses being with me. He hints at getting back together as well. I still like him, but I am confused. What exactly is this situation? What should I do? —Confused Damsel
Confused Damsel, you have left me a little confused myself. Do you mean he wants to just be friends or that he wants to start over? I think he’s suffering from the most terrible injury a man can suffer — a bruised ego. There’s no cure for that. You terminated his contract for over-possessiveness. But on the other hand, you say you both like each other. Now since there are no external obstacles like civil war, inflexible relatives, or malfunctioning organs, why don’t you drop the hypocrisy and give it another shot?