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HindustanTimes Sun,13 Jul 2014

Timing is everything: Cyrus Broacha
Cyrus Broacha, Hindustan Times
Mumbai, December 03, 2012
First Published: 17:15 IST(3/12/2012)
Last Updated: 17:20 IST(3/12/2012)

A couple of women have moved into the next apartment. One of them is a middle-aged gym teacher, and the other is a social worker in her mid-twenties. Both these women go everywhere together, and I’ve never seen a man go into their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese? (sic)
— Confused Geek
Aah! At last, a question on nationality. Hmmm, let me see. Is it customary amongst Lebanese women to spend more time together than woman of other nationalities? I don’t know! I've never known any Lebanese woman on a personal level. In fact, the closest I have come to a Lebanese relationship is when I had Lebanese rolls with white sauce twice. Now if you’re asking me if they are a lesbian couple, that’s another ball game altogether. I suggest you ask them. And then share this information with all our readers.    

I’m 19 and in love with one of my close friends. She knows that I love her a lot and would do anything for her. Recently, I even told her how I felt. But she says she doesn’t like me in that way. Should I still try my luck or quit?
— Aashish Aashish
That’s a tough one. Any amateur student of biometrics vis a vis the effect of nuclear fusion on acid rain will tell you that the female species are a complicated group. Not only are they difficult to read, but often have longer hair and painted nails as well. If she’s not actually spurned you or run away, I say keep going. Why not tone it down a bit though? Timing is everything. Stay close but don’t suffocate her.

An outright rejection is a rejection. Anything else is hope.I am a 23-year-old man who is in love with a 17-year old who studies in class 12. We have never formally met each other. I just see her on her way to school. I have now somehow managed to get her phone number. You think I should try calling her? 
— Melvin Rebello
Melvin, I don’t follow. You’ve never met her, yet you are in love? In love with her photograph? Or perhaps, her phone number, or as the famous Roman philosopher Cicero told his wife Mrs Cicero (also known as Patty): “You’re in love with being in love.” Regarding your query, how to start? Well please don’t just call her, that would spook her. Get introduced to her, open channels of communication and then proceed.

I am 20 and am very confused. I like a girl in my church. She and all my church mates know of this. My problem is that I am an introvert and talk very little. Even my teammates at work don’t talk to me. I want to increase my interaction with girls. I want the attention that macho boys get in my church.
— XYZ Philip
Phillip, I guess praying in church has gone out of the window. In today’s world, one has bigger fish to fry, like getting noticed by the right girl. Now, if you are quiet and not conducting the sermon, how do you get her to notice you? Here are some options: a) go naked; b) wear a T-shirt that says ‘notice me’; c) And this is my favourite: wear a T-shirt saying, ‘Notice me and nothing else’. See how well ‘c’ continues the best elements of ‘a’ and ‘b’?  Phillip, Phillip, Phillip, while in church pray to God to help you. Once outside, help yourself by talking to her and please don’t take your teammates along.     

Just write to uncle cy: cyrus@hindustantimes.com

And I’ll give you some relief…. err… that is, provided, I’m not doing a headstand at the time


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