I am a 25-year-old guy. I am in love with a girl who is of the same age. She used to be my colleague, and later we fell in love. I told her how much I love her, but though she was always reluctant to say the 3 words to me, but we were physically close and she would respond to me otherwise as well quite normally.
I told her I want to marry her, and I told her everything about my past. We both have come of pretty long relationships, which ended, on a sour note. It was then that she told me that she had a couple of 1 night stands with a colleague and another acquaintance of hers in the past one year. She said it was a one-time thing where she lost control and it was all about sex and there were no feelings involved. The second guy was married with a baby, and she was in touch with him till recently. She has promised me that those were her mistakes and the same will never happen again as it was too much of a burden for her to carry. She says she loves me and wants to marry me as well and hence she wanted to be honest with me.
What am I supposed to do? Believe her that it will never happen again, as these 2 happened when she was in a relationship. It bothers me. How do I trust her? How do I know that the same thing will not happen again? Is she promiscuous by nature or was it a one-time mistake. I do love her a lot and care about her, but this really bothers me, as I do not want to live my life in fear.
- asks AD Jun 23 2009 3:01:21
When you both decided to be frank with each other then you should have been prepared to listen to her side of the story. Now the question is if she did have one night stands while being in a relationship with you or not? If she did then you will have to look long and hard whether you can forgive and forget and begin afresh.
If you feel deep in your heart that you can’t then let the relationship be where it is and slowly let it drift apart. This way there would not be any ill will between the two of you and you can remain at least on talking terms without past baggage.
But whatever happened when she wasn’t in a relationship with you then you should be fair enough that as you have a past so does she and now you both are each other’s present.
- by Agony aunt