I have no
to give you this Diwali. I have been so awfully busy that I felt a dire need to get some calmness tips myself. So rather than raking my left-over brains on how you can stay calm during all the shor sharaaba and festivities, I decided to ask those who I regularly feature in this column (read make fun of!) about what gives them most stress during Diwali and what’s their recipe for keeping cool. Here are the pearls of wisdom I got from my ‘victims’…
Jayant, the MNC honcho says, “I can’t think of Diwali right now. All I can think about are the lay-offs going on in the corporate sector. On this Diwali holiday, I plan to sit and make a list of all my assets and work out a fool-proof financial plan for my future. That’ll give me calmness more than anything else.” Uff Jayant, boring as usual.
Bubbly aunty, the kitty queen says, “Attending so many card parties is very stressful. Every night, I and your uncle return home every morning (huh?). Earlier, I used to get very tense if I lost a lot of money but this time I’ve vowed not to gamble more than I can afford to lose. I have to see my own budget nah. I’m very calm now.” Wah Bubbly aunty, way to go.
Chadha ji, the property dealer and king of illogical replies says, “I get stressed on Diwali because people clean their homes and renovate them. (what on earth was that ??). Oh ho…you dim-witted woman, if people will renovate their homes to make them look like new, who will buy and rent new homes? Anyway, for calmness, I drink Baba Ramdev's herbal tea. Haridwar is too far.” (By this time, I’m tearing my hair in frustration).
And finally, Pappu Singh says, “Oh what stress madam ji, I have my own style of celebrating Diwali. I don’t give gifts to rishtedaars. I tell them that on their behalf, I’m donating the gift I would have given them to Chottu and his friends on the streets…and they will get the blessings. If my wife cribs, I treat all her relatives to free chicken and bhangra party after Diwali. Phir kya, sab khush toh Rab khush !!"
Sonal Kalra wishes everyone a calm, noise free Diwali. All those who want to wish her can catch her at the grand finale of the ‘Longest and loudest Patakha ladi championship’ outside her house at 11:30 pm on Tuesday.
Send your calmness tricks to her at email@example.com