Blistering Barnacles, let's make a Tintin film in Bollywood | bollywood | Hindustan Times
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Blistering Barnacles, let's make a Tintin film in Bollywood

bollywood Updated: Jan 11, 2014 10:06 IST
Durga M Sengupta
Durga M Sengupta
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Tintin turns 85 on Jan 10. In celebration of his landmark birthday, we took up the challenge of recreating Tintin in Bollywood. So, if the Herge comic series characters were to come alive on the silver screen in India, these are the actors that would call us to the ticket window.

Quick Note: In true Bollywood style, we'll announce the main actor nominees towards the end. Nestor - The quintessential butler, Nestor has a very large house to handle and an even larger problem in the form of Captain Haddock, the owner. We pick Naseeruddin Shah, for he is not only intense, but can look poised and troubled at the same time. Also, Naseer in cameos is brilliant. Bianca Castafiore - Haddock's friend, or so she believes, Castafiore is a shrill Opera singer. She is not very good at singing but is utterly hilarious. Hema Malini, both for her comic timing and her appearance could be Bollywood's answer to Castafiore. Rastapopoulos - The big baddie with a pipe, Rastapopulous needs some mainstream evil to do his character justice. A drug-smuggler and 'criminal mastermind' we could think of none other than Gulshan Grover to play Tintin's nemesis. General Alcazer - An uptight army general, close friend of Tintin's and a bit of a caricature calls for an actor with a funny bone. After much deliberation, Vijay Raaz emerged the clear winner for this role. Why? He can go from 'propah' to slapstick in micro-seconds. Thomson and Thompson - Too bad Bollywood has no comical twins to boast of. Never mind, we happily settle for Ranvir Shorey. Awkward, silly and double the fun as the two brothers, the two Shoreys could even repeat convincingly one after the other. To be precise, Shorey can play both Thomson and Thompson with perfection. Professor Calculus - Calculus lives the trope of 'the absent-minded professor'. Half-deaf, Calculus often messes up things in the most innovative ways. His idiosyncrasies could only be matched up with those of Annu Kapoor's. Do you see it? Oh we most certainly do. Snowy - This was tricky. We are going to attempt something illegal here i.e. steal a French dog. Remember the delightful pup in The Artist? Sorry, Jean Dujardin, ye doggie ab humare kabze mein hai. Captain Haddock - Tintin's rich, drunk best friend Captain Haddock is the perfect foil to Tintin's sane disposition. And he often surprises by turning into the hero, especially when it comes to saving Tintin's life. A personal favourite, Captain 'Thundering Typhoon' Haddock can only be played by one in B-town -- Boman Irani. Tintin - This was a tough nut to crack. The character has to be sleuth-ish, not overbearing or too much of a caricature. Sharp and yet mellow, underrated and yet a hero, Tintin goes to Siddharth. The south Indian actor has the boyish charm, unexpected comic timing and he looks like someone who'd love a dog. (yes, we're that naive) a bonus

10. Herge - Who could forget the genius writer himself? Plus, we need a director don't we? Dibakar Bannerjee was the obvious choice, with his cinematic quirk in Khosla, Oye Lucky and camera-work in LSD.

Dear Bollywood,

Let's make this film, shall we?

A Tintin-loving Indian