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A Day in the Life of India's Budget

brunch Updated: Mar 14, 2012 15:22 IST
Fake Jhunjhunwala
Fake Jhunjhunwala
Hindustan Times
Highlight Story

The following conversation takes place between the framers of India's Budget and those supposed to be affected by it.

Pranab Mukherjee: Whoa dudes! You guys SHOULD totally see my budget this year. I've totally rocked it. This is by far the most awesomest excellentest-est-est budget ever and I totally kick ass!

Common Man: Yay! Does this mean that I can now pay less for petrol?

Pranab: See you must understand that petrol price depends on external factors. So we cannot do anything about it. Sometimes to make you happy we will reduce prices by 1 or 2 rupees then you must feel happy and party like crazy! But after a few days we will increase the petrol price again. Then you must not be sad and remember long term economic conditions and stuff and adjust!

Common Man's Wife: Does the new budget mean that gas cylinder prices come down?

Finance Secretary: Errr.....no but only because we want you to stay fit. If we make cylinders cheaper you will buy more cylinders and cook more and eat more food. Then you will get fat and get high cholesterol which will block your arteries and give you heart disease. So in the long term by making you pay more per gas cylinder we are only preserving your health in the long run!

Farmer: Does the new budget mean farmers like me can now stop killing ourselves?

MS Ahluwalia: What yaar! With this budget India will grow at 9% but you are only bothered about killing yourself. You are so bloody selfish! I hate you!!

Middle Class Citizen: Does this budget mean there will be no more scams? Will the CWG and 2G scam money come back?

Kapil Sibal: Dude! You need to chill ok! When there was zero loss in 2G scam there is no question of the money coming back. Moreover phone call has now become 1 paisa/second so you enjoy that and download awesome ringtones at 1 paisa tariff no!

Senior Citizen: Will the new budget bring back black money from Swiss Banks?

RBI Governor: The Indian banking sector is solid and has solid foundations. I mean really solid like Sachin Tendulkar endorsed cement solid so there is no need to worry and as far as black money goes that is not a budget issue so law will take its own course but compared to Swiss banks with Indian money, Indian banks with Indian money are really solid and this budget will make the banks extra solid!

Salaried Youth: I don't mean to be sarcastic but will this budget arrest inflation? Because it's raping my bank account

Pranab: I don't mean to be sarcastic but rape and arrests are law and order problems and I am the Finance Minister so that's out of my jurisdiction but ask my friend Chidambaram. He will definitely condemn the attack of inflation.

Journalist: Mr.Minister, What is the single biggest achievement of this budget?

Pranab: Well there is no single biggest achievement because this budget has achieved many things whose results will be seen in due course and considering the economic factors in a political landscape of uncertainty our firm resolve to solve important issues remains steadfast gloriously leading the emerging market of India into a new dawn of the 21st century. In other words Budget rocks b*#ches ! Just ask all the economics professors on TV debating my budget if you don't believe me!
The Fake Jhunjhunwala is the parody writer of the popular blog 'The Secret Journal Of Rakesh Jhunjhunwala'. He likes counting money. He is a big fan of Samosas, Ice Cream, Pav Bhaji, Pizza, Garlic Bread and Beer.

His hobbies include playing Super Mario, Stalking Hot Babes and Watching B-Grade films to intensively investigate any censor board violations. He also watches Cricket and worships Sachin Tendulkar as much as he worships himself. Read more from him at http://www.rakeshjhunjhunwala.in/

He can also be found on twitter usually ranting about Uday Chopra, The Universe and everything in between at http://twitter.com/Jhunjhunwala

(The views expressed by the author are personal)

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