Short life cycle. Will flip from store to store, checking every deal. Only then will it buy. One belt or something. And die from the excitement.
THE BOA CONSTRICTOR
Boas lie dormant for months. But they’re perceptive predators. They’ll buy up a load of stuff and digest their treats slowly over the next few months of hibernation.
He’s been stalking his prey before you knew it existed. Kept an eye on it, circling patiently, waiting for the vulnerable moment: when prices were slashed by 50 per cent. Then he swooped in for the kill. You didn’t see him coming.
It waits till you’re done and polishes off the remains: items now at 70 per cent off, Last Day offers. No threat to the animal kingdom, only to other hyenas.
Ants hunt in groups, are remarkably organised: one joins the queue to pay, another picks the items, a third gets the car from parking. They can carry 10 times their body weight.
They know of every shiny deal and will convince the cashier to club loyalty cards, cashback offers, and vouchers. Parking reimbursement too.
From HT Brunch, July 27
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