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HindustanTimes Fri,29 Aug 2014
The Firangi Tadka awards: the whiny, the forever lost, the weird
Team Brunch, Hindustan Times
April 12, 2014
First Published: 15:39 IST(12/4/2014)
Last Updated: 20:23 IST(12/4/2014)

Apart from desi shows on Hindi entertainment channels, we're also addicted to foreign shows on English channels (especially since these days we see them pretty much as soon as they air abroad).

So how could we leave out international shows when it came to our TV awards? (We're equal-opportunity shooters, you see!) So here's our new category - the Firangi Tadka Awards! And here's our pick -- from Benedict Cumberbatch in Sherlock to Betty Draper in Mad Men. Feel free to add to the list!

Mummy Ke Superstars Award
Daenerys' three dragons from Game of Thrones, HBO

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They respond only to mummy's call. They spread terror everywhere they fly, and spew enough fire from their mouths to flambé all the crème brûlée in Westeros. Give a big hand to the only three living dragons in the world. Give them a hand even if you don't want to, because it takes only one word from mummy - Dracarys! - for them to reduce you to crispy fried chicken.

Knitting Needles Award
For most convoluted plot, Lost, Zee Café

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Plane crash, mysterious island, smoke monster, back stories, love stories, alternative realities, time travel, ghosts, strange numbers, Korean dialogue, people called Others, and lots and lots of dirty clothes have resulted in what? A yarn no one could keep up with, let alone unravel, and an anti-climax for an ending. Thanks, JJ Abrams, for keeping us invested through so many seasons only to crash our expectations into the sea.

Shaadi, Aur Tumse? Award
Robin Wright and Kevin Spacey (Frank and Claire Underwood/House Of Cards), Zee Café

He's ambitious, so is she. He's ruthless, it's her best quality too. He cheats, she cheats - and they both tell each other about it. He's pushed her career forward, she's had three abortions to advance his. And they both share a cigarette every night, talking about their day like they're in the middle of Happily Ever After. He says he loves her "more than sharks love blood" and yet seems to be prepared for a breakup.

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Sharpest Object On Screen Award
The cheekbones of Benedict Cumberbatch on Sherlock, AXN

Holmes is sharp, but by God, his cheekbones are sharper. Look how they dominate the screen in close-ups when the great detective gets thinking. See the hundreds of Tumblrs dedicated to them. Look up the word Zygoma, which he's single-handedly made popular. Those cheekbones are a high point of TV, and everything below them is quite lovely too.

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Dustpan And Mop Award
All the vampires who died the true death on True Blood, Zee Cafe

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Forget that this is a spectacularly camp show featuring the world's prettiest people. True Blood gets our award for the most spectacularly gory vampire deaths. Vampires explode in a shower of blood and stringy flesh, viscous ooze stains the carpet, bodies smoke and bubble before they melt into deep-red molasses. It's all gloriously messy. Bring your own bleach.

Two Tight Slaps Award
Character: January Jones (Betty Draper/Mad Men), Star World



Oh, Betty Draper, we get that the '60s were difficult. But do you have to be such a whiny, selfish, cry baby through it? You had the guts to shoot down the neighbour's pigeons in Season 1. But since then, you appear to have smoked away any redeeming qualities - you're a terrible mom, a needy girlfriend, a very vengeful ex and those slow blinks are really getting on everyone's nerves. Take off your hair band and grow up!

Needs Some Roughage Award
Character: Gillian Anderson (Dana Scully/The X-Files), FX

The truth is quite far out there. You're hired by the FBI to investigate mysterious phenomenon. You've seen enough of this phenomenon yourself. Are you telling us you're still a stoic sceptic, lips pursed in constant constipation about paranormal activity? Lighten up. If you think there's a reason for everything, find a reason to smile!

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The awards were given by Veenu Singh, Tavishi Paitandy Rastogi, Parul Khanna, Shreya Sethuraman and Abhilasha Gupta.

From HT Brunch, April 13

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