One of the biggest changes that Apple’s iOS 8 (the new version of their mobile operating system) is that Autocorrect has finally been substituted with QuickType.
QuickType, instead of automatically correcting words, predicts words, phrases and sentences, not unlike the feature that has already been in Android for a while (gloat, Android users, gloat). Although this predicts grammatically correct sentences, they’re not always sensible.
We discovered this while writing a heartfelt obituary of Autocorrect, using QuickType. As word followed word, we went along and let it form insanely funny sentences. Here is what should have been a solemn goodbye:
Autocorrect is the only thing that would have to go. Autocorrect, which was arrested for allegedly plotting to overthrow the government, is now on its own. It was not immediately clear whether Autocorrect took the time to get its pills, but it is safe to say that since it didn’t, it has been given a swift kick. During its lifetime it performed in a spectacularly obtuse fashion. Its propensities to be able to see the point of having a great day were not always allowed. There was often the need to throw up on seeing its work.
People who had not seen what it could do had no idea what the heck it was all about. But because it was a good little girl, it told everyone and everyone knew. By the end of its deadline day a new update was released. The new update is so cute. QuickType, the new update, is so much better at ending sentences with sandwiches. QuickType can also be nice if you automatically become a major problem.
To sum up, Autocorrect said that it was a good idea but it died before it finished my homework. Rest in peace, dear friend.
From HT Brunch, September 28
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