Great Indian marriage drama: yeh shaadi hokar rahegi | brunch | Hindustan Times
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Great Indian marriage drama: yeh shaadi hokar rahegi

Desi love for marriage is such that even our films are full of it. Check out our 'filmy' parents and matchmaking aunties to know what's happening behind the scenes of 'that' rishta.

brunch Updated: Mar 29, 2014 21:00 IST
Shaoli Rudra

If you're trying to navigate the wedding jungle, putting on a 'I-want-to-injure-you-but-can't' smile to survive the "Ab toh teri baari hai!" won't be enough. Filminess has afflicted parents and matchmaking aunties. But don't fear! Find out what's really happening behind the scenes of 'that' rishta.

The 'Ab Iss Dosti Ko Rishtedaari Mein Badal Dete Hain' species

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The most common shaadi animal to be found. It is world famous in India because dosti is clearly not enough. You must express your love for clansmen and long lost fraands by admiring their foren-return status and gifting them your offspring.

Most likely to say...
* My kinsman is a man-mountain with musskals. What an eligible match! (Chennai Express)

* My friend lives in America. His son says 'Aaammmaarrrikkkaaaa'. Here's his photo. Marry that. Now go sing "I louwe my Indiyaaa' (Pardes)

* "Kuch nahin badla. Bas. Keh diya na" is followed up by choosing a young lady who sings Happy Birthday seductively. Well done, sir! (Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham)

The 'Tum Isse Toh Definitely Shaadi Nahin Kar Rahe Ho!' species

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This species is the result of evolution after "Ye shaadi nahin ho sakti" died when an asteroid hit Earth. Anyway, forbidden love is in… as is forbidding loving certain people. But boss, serious chaos hota hai. Just saying.

Most likely to say...
It's 'You cannot marry boy of rival clan' v/s 'Okay we'll just bhaag ke shaadi karo'. Bloody battles will follow. 'Oho daith hi ho gayi!' (Goliyon Ki Rasleela: Ram-Leela)
We Hindu; they Muslim. Haww. Ye kahaani toh purani hai. Also followed by 'Oho daith hi ho gayi!' (I see a trend here) (Ishaqzaade)

The 'Sundar, Susheel' species

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The employers of Alok 'Sanskari' Nath and propounders of bharatiya sabhyata, the Barjatyas, discovered them. Also goes by 'Mere bete ke liye toh yahi ladki sahi rahegi'

Most likely to say...
* You wear Indian clothes? Do pooja? Cook desi khana? I give you kangan jo maine apni bahu ke liye rakhe the. Girl in mini skirt…mere bete se door rehna! (Cocktail)
* Son, no paisa in my will for you till you get hitched to that girl from my ancestral village in Punjab. Run to that mandap. You can leave her in the pind after the shaadi okay? (Dulha Mil Gaya)

The 'Marry So My Business Can Prosper' species

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Upper-class species born when one group of companies wants to merge with another. Usually with the names Singhania or Malhotra. In some cases, there's merging of jaydads and fields.

Most likely to say...
The most commonly seen, one-and-only original, 'my-company-loves-your-company-so-let's-marry-the-kids-off'. Their opinions can go doob maro (Yaadein)
Here is my business associate/my young upstart colleague. Tum isse shaadi kar lo. Subah saath saath office jaana, haan? Petrol ke paise bachenge (Jab Tak Hain Jaan)

The 'I'm So Desperate To Marry My Kid Off Ki Koi Bhi Chalega' species

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Not common, but rears its silly head now and then. Related to "Tum isse toh definitely shaadi nahin kar sakte ho"

Most likely to say...
* My kid is too difficult. Nobody can tolerate him/her, me included. I will not check your antecedents. Bas leke jao, bhai. Will give you double bed and scooter for free (Khiladi 786)

My kid is too old. Get them out of my house/off my back now! Eh, koi toh leke jao! (Shirin Farhad Ki Toh Nikal Padi)

From HT Brunch, March 30

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