Romantic comedies are those wonderful, happy, gooey movies that we can watch anytime, anywhere (and by we, we mean all of us – including those Alpha Male types who publicly denounce, but secretly watch too). In Bollywood, it takes all of six simple steps to make an aww-inducing Hindi rom-com. In fact, it’s kind of like cooking. Don’t believe us? Think about it – when was the last time you watched something original? (We’re reprimanding you, trailer of Tamasha!). Here goes:
* 1 Heroine with many, many quirks which are supposed to make her more appealing but actually make her ANYTHING but. (For example: Kangana’s Tanu)
* 1 Hero with some serious “Mujhe issi-sundar-ladki-se-pyaar-karna-hai-I’m-immune-to-how-annoying/dull-she-is” issues. Like Madhavan’s ever-stricken Manu!
* 3 amazing hipster foreign locations because Switzerland is just so 1995. Head to Prague or maybe some Italian island. Because, you know, “what happens in Corsica, stays in Corsica!” Or so Tamasha would like us to believe.
* 1 supremely photogenic Indian metro, because realism and all that jazz. And also, because yeh dil hai Hindustani, toh pyaar bhi Hindustan mein karega. Jaise ki Jaipur in Shuddh Desi Romance. Remember?
Optional Ingredients (swaad anusaar):
* 1 jodi maa-baap who are cooler than their kids. Kinda like Peachy and Pumpkin from Jaane Tu... Ya Jaane Na
* 1 advice-giving best friend for some comic relief. Like the one in I Hate Love Storys
It’s now time to cook up your film. Please proceed to your big-name, production-house-funded kitchen.
Step 1: Inspired by Anushka Sharma in... well... all her movies. In the very first song, the heroine must sing and dance to establish that she’s a life-loving free spirit to whom normal rules don’t apply.
Step 2: Pepper the hero with issues like boring naukri, no chokri, misunderstood personality or the good ol’ mommy/daddy complex. Make him flex his muscles to the second song – and dance.
Step 3: Put some friendship in the pan, till it’s warm, fuzzy and has turned into love. Also pour in some alcohol (because boy and girl must be drunk to realise it’s love).
Step 4: Let the hero and heroine simmer. Now, slowly add Arijit Singh ka gaana, while continuously stirring. (It has to be Arijit Singh to get the authentic flavour in your inauthentic film).
Step 5: Mix it all up while adding a generous dose of drama. Kind of like how little schoolchildren fight – except this sequence is shot in an exotic locale. Turn the heat up (like in Love Aaj Kal).
Step 6: Your film must come to an end with a boil of emotions, with a very sad wala song. If you want us to love you, a kind-of original line: Toh mujhe tumse pyaar ho jayega… phir se. Aur tumhe nahin hoga, phir se. Add that tadka of happily ever after and voila!
Disclaimer: To be consumed hot while hype persists. Happy watching!
From HT Brunch, October 4
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