Maharashtra govt declares emergency as Mumbai temp dips below 20º | brunch | Hindustan Times
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Maharashtra govt declares emergency as Mumbai temp dips below 20º

The Maharashtra government today declared a state of emergency in the city of Mumbai as it recorded a low of 20 degrees Celsius. Speaking at a press conference, Chief Minister Prithviraj Chavan said...

brunch Updated: Jan 09, 2012 16:53 IST
Gursimran Khamba

The following piece is a satire.

The Maharashtra government today declared a state of emergency in the city of Mumbai as it recorded a low of 20 degrees Celsius. Speaking at a press conference, chief minister Prithviraj Chavan said, "This is unprecedented in the city of Mumbai. Nonetheless, the government is committed to helping the citizens of Mumbai cope with such frigid weather. We have asked for the central government to and suppliers in Ludhiana to ship stocks of sweaters, blankets and coal so that citizens can stay warm. I am sure the famed Mumbai spirit will shine through and this too shall pass."

Mumbai is traditionally used to much warmer climate which ranges from "Man I feel like a cheese burst pizza to OMFG THIS CITY IS LIKE A FRICKIN CONCENTRATION CAMP!" and citizens have been trying to grapple with these lows the best they can. Mr DeCosta from Bandra had this to say. "I have been living in Mumbai since 70 years and I have never seen it become so cold. The last time I saw so many random people light fires infront of their house it turned out to be a riot. I'm hoping the government pulls through with their promises"

The only ones who seem to be managing in the weather are migrants from North India. Chintu, a taxi driver said, "I don't know what's wrong with these people. In my village the temperature used to goto minus five! I'm just afraid some political parties don't get us beaten up again for thinking that we are mocking locals and taking away their heat".

The Met. Department has blamed such cold weather on the phenomena of climate change and issued guidelines for citizens to increase their intake of Old Monk rum and have sex to keep their body warm.

Gursimran Khamba is a pissed off writer, stand up comic, podcaster, social media junkie and lover of all fried foods. Except bananas. Follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/#!/gkhamba

(The views expressed by the author are personal)

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