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Marketingizing

The Fake Jhunjhunwala decodes the diabolical complexity of the science of selling to consumers (read: confusing the f**k out of them). Here's more on it.

brunch Updated: May 11, 2011 15:02 IST
Fake Jhunjhunwala

I invest in the markets, everybody knows that. Therefore I'm involved in Market-ing...right.

But there are many other people out there who are involved in a completely different type of marketing. One that involves the process of confusing the FU*K out of the customer so that she/he ends up buying something he thinks he needs but doesn't actually require.



The diabolical complexity of the science of selling to consumers is astonishingly beautiful. I would know! I've invested money in many companies who know how to market a product.



For example - if you want to sell SH*T, then you must convince the buyer that what he/she is buying is not crap but high quality fertilizer instead.



Similarly, take a look at the effect of MARKETINGIZING (Yes, Marketingizing. I am a Great Man, I invent whatever words I want) some commonly heard words:



Carpenter = Wood Technician



Shampoo = Enhanced Hair Beautifying System



Bathtub = Life Sized Body Immersion Bowl



Osama Bin Laden = Pro Taliban Twin Towers Deconstruction Specialist



Bribery = Interactive Work Facilitation Money Exchange Service



Murderer= Life Extractor



ZoozooSize Zero = Nil Fat Malnutrition Ambassador



High Fat Foods = Large Calorie Dietary Intake



Marijuana = Environment Friendly Mood Enhancing Leaf Supplement



Pritam = Open Source Music Download Enthusiast/Composer



Breast Implants= Silicone Reinforced Mammary Gland Rib Enclosure



Rajnikant Ka Baap = Pranav Dixit



Credit Card = Plastic-Made Alphanumeric Machine Readable Money Removal Device



Akshay Kumar= Acrobatic Thums Up Retrieval Cine Artist



Uday Chopra = Uday Chopra [Uday Chopra Is Unique, He Cannot Be Described, Hence the Only Term Applicable to This Extraordinary Talent is His Own Name]



Golmaal Film Series= Tusshar Kapoor Employment Scheme aka Tusshar Kapoor Kaam Yojana Abhyan



Zoozoo= Egg Headed Vodafone Promotion Humanoid



Emraan Hashmi = Lip To Lip Saliva Exchange Professional



And finally,



Awesomely Humble Supremely Sexy Fantastic Superstrong Ultra Rich Ginormously Strong Mega Entity = JHUNJHUNWALA



The Fake Jhunjhunwala is the parody writer of the popular blog 'The Secret Journal Of Rakesh Jhunjhunwala'. He likes counting money. He is a big fan of Samosas, Ice Cream,
Pav Bhaji, Pizza, Garlic Bread and Beer.



His hobbies include playing Super Mario, Stalking Hot Babes and Watching B-Grade films to intensively investigate any censor board violations. He also watches Cricket and worships Sachin Tendulkar as much as he worships himself. Read more from him at
http://www.rakeshjhunjhunwala.in/



He can also be found on twitter usually ranting about Uday Chopra, The Universe and everything in between at http://twitter.com/Jhunjhunwala