Monsoon goal: A football widows (and widowers!) retribution plan

  • Aasheesh Sharma
  • Updated: Jul 02, 2016 22:00 IST
(Illustration by: Siddhant Jumde)

Is your loved one addicted to watching football and you get your kicks elsewhere? Remember Katy Perry complaining in 2014 that the FIFA World Cup was ruining her relationship with Russell Brand?

With the Euro 2016 mania reaching a crescendo, chances are your partner has been monopolising the TV remote. Here’s how football widows and widowers can fight their bitter halves consumed by sporting frenzy.

* Impose a television ban during meals: This will ensure football hooligans don’t drown down your conversations during quality time.

* Invest in a satellite dish with a recording function: So that your partner doesn’t panic when returning home after a dinner date or shopping. Just put the bloody match on recording mode. ‘Isko laga dala toh life jhingalala,’ whatever!

* Drool over the footballers: Remember he watches football because it is The Beautiful Game and you watch it because beautiful people play it. Chat about that Latin American hunk or that Scandinavian Blond Bomber who love taking off his jersey after scoring a goal. And see the green monster rear its beautiful head. Score!

* Play another game: Declare how non-football sports such as lawn tennis fascinate you, rediscover your childhood passion for cricket and talk about how Ernest Hemingway said boxing was the only real sport.

* Go all dishy, ask for a helping hand: If you are eating in, ask your spouse to do the dishes. Trust me (and my apologies to die-hard Liverpool fans!), you’ll never wash alone!

From HT Brunch, July 3, 2016

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