In a bizarre incident, a Member of Parliament from the North-East (name and state withheld for fear of a defamation lawsuit) started slapping himself in front of television crews at the media gallery hoping to be featured on prime time. Sources say he was inspired by the recent "assault" by Harvinder Singh on Sharad Pawar because of which he became an overnight sensation on social media.
The MP had this to say. "Yes I did it for attention. This is the only way someone from the North-East ever gets featured on mainstream television unless there is some failed metal concert. There is a larger motive however. I realised that as a politician you can get away with whatever the hell you want as long as you get slapped once every six months.
That is enough for our public to get a sense of justice and you can then continue plundering whatever you want. I'm even planning on slapping myself and apologizing at every reelection rally to win the sympathy vote. Luckily I got slapped a lot by my mother as a child - so I am already thick skinned".
Supporters of the MP went on a rampage burning cars and buses in their state as soon as they found out about their leader being slapped - but were left confused on finding out he did it to himself. One of the arsonists said, "As soon as we found out he was assaulted we sketched a detailed plan of our spontaneous violent outburst due to sentiments being hurt. Later when we found out about his grand strategy we decided to beat up innocent people and the opposition party's cadre. We figured might as well now that we are out. Plus the weather was nice".
One arsonist also lost his life when the tyre he set on fire exploded due to unknown circumstances. The policeman on due was overheard saying "LOL!".
Gursimran Khamba is a pissed off writer, stand up comic, podcaster, social media junkie and lover of all fried foods. Except bananas. Follow him on Twitter at
(The views expressed by the author are personal)
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