Simi Garewal's Rendezvous With Ghostface | brunch | Hindustan Times
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Simi Garewal's Rendezvous With Ghostface

As Simi Gerewal plans to come back to TV, she brings a lot of old ghosts with her, The Fake Jhunjhunwala observes.

brunch Updated: Jun 02, 2011 15:31 IST
Fake Jhunjhunwala

THE woman called Simi Garewal is back on TV .This time the All White Auntyji will be chatting with the 'Most Desirable' people on the Star World channel from June. I have of course got an exclusive sneak preview of the show and while I won't show you the video, I will show you the transcript.



Here's Simi Garewal Aunty chatting with GHOSTFACE, the psycho killer from the 'SCREAM' movies.

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GhostfaceSimi: it's so wonderful to have you here with me Ghostface xoxoxoxo



Ghostface: SHUT UP BITCH!!!! Or I'm gonna cut you up and flay your skin as a trophy for my wall.



Simi: Awwwww! You're so cute when you do that. I've always wondered where you get that undeniable psycho killer charm and only now do I realize that it's all natural!!!



Ghostface: That's right bitch! It's all natural just like the pain you're gonna feel when my cold steel knife slashes through your chest and you scream in agony, pain and horror. Natural as the fear you're gonna experience with each stab of my knife as it pulls out the last shreds of your life.



Simi: Ghostface, you darling!! You're so enduring. You're so passionate about murdering people!!!!! Tell me where you get this passion from?!!!!



Ghostface: I get it from knowing that there are overly emotional skanky sentimental ass-kissing prods like YOU out there who deserve to get their heads chopped off and their corpses mutilated beyond recognition.



Simi: OMG!! That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me!!! Ghostface my dear, you're such a sweetheart xoxo!!!



Ghostface: I….errr….. Don't know what to say …I'm at a loss for words





Simi: I understand. You've always been someone who lets his knife do the talking. That's what makes you so special :) :) :) :) :)



Tell me how do you manage your love life when you have such a busy murderous schedule? What does Ghostface do when he's out on a date?



Simi Garewal and Ghostface hold hands during the special photoshoot for their Rendezvous

Ghostface:

I wait for my date to be all alone. I show up at her home and quietly seal all the doors and windows. Then I wait for her to step out of the shower and scare her. After she runs around the house running hysterically I put an end to her misery by repeatedly striking her with my iron claw and my long handle steel cleaver knife.

I sever her veins and let her blood spill. I muffle her screams with a pillow and thrust my claw into her heart till she finally dies. After this I chop her body into pieces. Put them all in a plastic bag and dump them in the sea.

Simi: OMG!!! THAT'S SO ROMANTIC!!!!! You are such a romantic my darling! That's so sweet xoxoxo. Any girl would be so lucky to have you :) :) :)


Ghostface:

I …errr…

Simi:

Tell me darling, if it's one thing you want in life what would it be?

Ghostface:

I want this new knife from

Telebrands

. It's called the

SLASHER 5000X

.It's an excellent vegetable cutter and an even better body slasher. It'll make murdering people easy. Its Teflon coated so the blood will drip off easily.

Simi:

That's so smart and handy my dear!!! You really are so thoughtful and intelligent!!!! If only the world had more like you we'd all be surrounded by cutesy wutesy Teddy Bears and Fanciful Unicorns xoxo!!!!!!!!!!!

Ghostface:

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! THAT'S IT I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE…..YOU CRAZY NUTJOB …YOU'RE EVEN MORE INSANE THAN I AM!!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh…….I'm gonna kill myself……aaaaaaaah…..Where's my knife……aaaaaaaaaahhhh!!!!!!!!!!!

Simi: Ghostface Sweetie, you're such a cutie-pie!!!!!!!!!

The Fake Jhunjhunwala is the parody writer of the popular blog 'The Secret Journal Of Rakesh Jhunjhunwala'. He likes counting money. He is a big fan of Samosas, Ice Cream, Pav Bhaji, Pizza, Garlic Bread and Beer.

His hobbies include playing Super Mario, Stalking Hot Babes and Watching B-Grade films to intensively investigate any censor board violations. He also watches Cricket and worships Sachin Tendulkar as much as he worships himself. Read more from him at
http://www.rakeshjhunjhunwala.in/

He can also be found on twitter usually ranting about Uday Chopra, The Universe and everything in between at http://twitter.com/Jhunjhunwala

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