So you got lucky in the DDA draw?
Rahul Roushan, the Pagal Patrakar of FakingNews.com tells you how to brag, get free lunches, dinners and birthday gifts and embellish your matrimonial profile if you did. Read on to know how to go about it.brunch Updated: Apr 21, 2011 19:11 IST
First of all congratulations to you uncle, aunty, brother, sister, dude, babe, whoever you are! This indeed is not an ordinary achievement. I know a guy who cracked CAT, went to IIM Ahmedabad, started his own business, and is currently living in a rented 2BHK in Janakpuri. You know, your achievement is equivalent to an MBA with a plum MNC job. Congratulations once again.
I know you must be so happy while others are crying foul over the way flats were allotted. They smell a scam. Jealous fellows! They must be praying that your flat, in fact the whole housing society, is ordered to be demolished by Jairam Ramesh for having been built by DDA on a piece of land reserved for conservation of pink rabbits.
They are trying to devalue your achievement by claiming corruption behind the allotment. But not everyone is like that. My Janakpuri friend thinks there is mathematics behind the allotment; he has developed an Android application that returns the probability of getting a DDA flat in a draw. Please download it and click the Google ads on the application; it will help him recover the money he invested in application process.
In fact, don't worry about people who have lost out in the draw. Very soon you'd get possession of your valuable asset and those losers will stand in a queue outside a bank to apply in the next DDA draw. How cool is that, no?
But what are your plans for the next few days apart from partying? If you don't have much of an idea, let me give you a couple of decent ideas. If you are a brother/sister/dude/babe, you should update your matrimonial profile's "about me" section by adding this line - upper middle class professional with "own house" in Delhi.
If you are uncle/aunty, next time you meet a fellow uncle/aunty, you should look at the color of their shirt/sari and say - ah! I think I'll get my bedroom walls painted exactly in this shade.
Also, however useless and "unconnected" you might be, brag that you knew some "high profile" persons in the government, who helped you get this allotment. People would easily believe you and would treat you respectfully. Everyone would want to be friends with you. A lot of free lunches and dinners await you. Free gifts on birthdays too.
And just in case, you really knew someone who helped you get this flat. Please get in touch with me.
Rahul Roushan aka Pagal Patrakar is the editor of the leading Indian news satire websitewww.twitter.com
and on Facebook at