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Supercool New Year resolutions for 2012

During the New Year, people get excited and make resolutions. Fake Jhunjhunwala takes a look at what some people might resolve to be or do during 2012.

brunch Updated: Dec 29, 2011 19:12 IST
Fake Jhunjhunwala

New Year is around the corner. I mean there is a restaurant near my house called 'New Year' which is around the corner. I like this restaurant; they always offer free refills on beverages. Now there is also a tradition observed by followers of the Gregorian Calendar which dictates that with the clock striking midnight on the 31st of December the New Year is born.



As a Legendary Investor I do not follow this calendar. I follow the Samvat Calendar; therefore the New Year phenomenon does not enthrall me. Of course I only need an excuse to party so I will not object if people have fun because the Calendar rotates from December 31st to January 1st.



During the New Year, people get excited and make resolutions. Let's take a look at what some people might resolve to be or do during 2012:



Shakti Kapoor - Portray Sadbhavana attitude towards women and become the number one choice for 'Rakhi brother' during Raksha Bandhan festival; NOT read this, pick up on the girl names in the sentence and go "Damn! Where the hell do I find Sadbhavana, Rakhi and Raksha? I wonder if they're hot."



Mahesh Bhatt - Upgrade wardrobe to include apparel beyond just a black shirt and a pair of jeans.



KareenaKareena Kapoor - Continue to use Head and Shoulders anti dandruff shampoo so that number of years Kareena has remained dandruff free increases from 4 years to 5 years.



John Abraham - Stop throwing motorbikes at people.



Kapil Sibal - Chill out over the internet by using the medium for more than just monitoring defamatory content and enjoy the really cool stuff like funny dancing baby videos on YouTube.



Sachin Tendulkar - Bash the next TV reporter's head in who asks "So when can we expect your next Century?"



Anna Hazare - Lokpal duh!



Contestants of Bigg Boss House - Check into therapy and reserve rooms in the nearest mental asylum.



Sonu Nigam - Keep that thing on top of his head he calls hair under control. It scares people!Pritam - Buy a brand new Oxford Dictionary, learn and realize the difference between 'inspiration' and 'plagiarism ' once and for all.



Veena Malik - Wear more clothes so that hands can be used for useful purposes than just covering up....strategic areas.



Veena



MTV Roadies Raghu - Sign up for anger management classes before a vein bursts in the head and causes a serious aneurysm.



Happy New Year everyone! Have a great and awesome 2012.