For two months every year, India is taken over by this giant cricket party called the Indian Premier League. Now in its 9th season, the IPL is basically everywhere. And while we enjoyed it at first, it’s just not fun anymore. Here’s why:
1. Because the IPL is like exams or family festive functions. That annual event you have to go along with but don’t really want to.
2. Because Sachin, Dravid and Sourav don’t play in it any more.
3. Because T20 was shortcut match on its own. But T20 with DJ, cheerleaders, and people dancing about? It feels like the sangeet ceremony of some industrialist’s daughter.
4. Because Gayle, Virat and AB de Villiers on the same team? Equality and fairness called, and they want their deposit back! With interest!
5. Because cricket is now secondary to ads for hair products and anti-acne creams.
6. Because it’s like Tinder! And you’re not even the one swiping! Somebody shows up, then they get rid of them – teams come, and teams go, and teams change, there’s no loyalty here. How are we supposed to have a cricket love affair this way?
7. Because some of the commentary in the middle of the match has us convinced that if we ever flop at our current jobs, we can all be commentators.
8. Because the lady in a dress is just that: the token woman for diversity. She asks questions like ‘how do you feel?’
9. Because those pre-innings shows are science’s way of proving that you can reduce your IQ in 30 minutes. When Sunil Gavaskar makes an entry by dancing awkwardly, you leave the room in embarrassment. And you mute Sidhu’s shayaari.
10. Because we feel for those cheerleaders in aforementioned mid-innings shows. Dancing to songs you don’t know, in uncomfortable and ugly costumes *shakes pom pom*
From HT Brunch, May 1, 2016
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