1. Don’t be that hero who tries to catch a Virar fast from Andheri station between 7pm and 9pm.
2. Your Game of Thrones episode is your co-passengers’ porn.
3. The aunty reciting Gayatri Mantra actually thinks your cleavage will disappear if she stares dedicatedly enough.
4. If you feel an odd shape against you, pray that it is someone’s cell phone. It’s probably not.
5. A lesson for locals, and for life: eavesdrop, magar earphones laga kar.
6. Even if you have one foot out of the local in preparation of alighting, the uncle behind you will tap your shoulder and ask, “Utarna hai?”
7. If there is a crying baby in the ladies compartment, sweets will appear from five rows ahead for the baby.
8. The most fun part: looking at the men who are looking at the women trying to get into the ladies’ compartment. For them, it is like Mortal Combat + erotica. #PopcornLao
9. No matter how crowded the local is, that group of four uncles will lay a big, fat briefcase on their laps to play rummy. Legroom be damned!
10. God help the poor soul who has mistaken the fast local for a slow and wants to alight at Borivali. There will be at least three Marathi gaalis you’d never heard before.
From HT Brunch, June 14
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