It took an extraordinary amount of money to bring me here to the Hindustan times. So much money that the banks can't even hold the dough. However the reason I've agreed to bring MY GREATNESS along to HT Brunch is not the money. I've been a billionaire a billion times over for a long, long time now and that's because I Always Knew I Was Going To Be Rich. I Never Doubted It For A Minute.
It's Not Cockiness, It's Just Confidence. I'm really a very humble fellow. I'm much greater than I think I am….really. While you stagger in wonderment at the pure awesomeness my talent filled epic words hit you with, I shall now proceed to tell you how I got here. I'm here because I was persuaded by a young journalist from Hindustan Times named Pranav Dixit.
While I've been getting a multitude of offers beckoning me to pour my wisdom and delight readers of practically every single newspaper there is, I chose the Hindustan times and I did so because Pranav Dixit pursued me with the conviction of a ruthless serial killer.At this stage I'd like to say that I do not advocate serial killing nor am I implying that Pranav Dixit is a mass murdering psychopath who meticulously hunts his victims and relishes their murders. I am merely suggesting that Pranav Dixit is extremely determined.
So determined and mighty an individual is Pranav Dixit that the awesomeness of even Rajnikant pales in front of him.
Let me just state the ways:
The Earth spins on Rajnikant's finger. Rajnikant himself spins on Pranav Dixit's finger
If Madhuri Dixit is the Mother of dance then Pranav Dixit is the Father (of dance, not Madhuri Dixit. Madhuri's father is Shankar Dixit)
The Titanic did not sink because it hit an iceberg. It sank because it was sailing in Pranav Dixit's bathtub where Pranav Dixit was chilling and the so called iceberg was actually Pranav's big toe peaking over the water surface.
Usain Bolt and Pranav Dixit once raced a 100 metre dash. By the time Usain reached the finish line Pranav Dixit had not only blitzed past Usain but had also built a second Taj Mahal and surrounded it with a second Great Wall of China (except it's called The Great Wall Of
So all those who are singing my praises and thanking me for gracing the Hindustan times owe a huge THANK YOU to Pranav Dixit.
Pranav Dixit - Myth, Icon, Legend, God, Immortal, Mighty Beast, Avenging Force, Renaissance Man and Part-Time Hugger Of Commonwealth Games Mascots.
All Hail Pranav Dixit (After Hailing Me First Of Course). Follow him on Twitter.com/pranavdixit.
Much love to @limeice on twitter for the title. If you don't like it, please blame and punish her by spamming her mailbox.
Fake Jhunjhunwala is the parody writer of the popular blog 'The Secret Journal Of Rakesh Jhunjhunwala'. He likes counting money. He is a big fan of Samosas, Ice Cream, Pav Bhaji, Pizza, Garlic Bread and Beer. His hobbies include playing Super Mario, Stalking Hot Babes and Watching B-Grade films to intensively investigate any censor board violations. He also watches Cricket and worships Sachin Tendulkar as much as he worships himself. Read more from him at http://www.rakeshjhunjhunwala.in/
He can also be found on twitter usually ranting about Uday Chopra, The Universe and everything in between at http://twitter.com/Jhunjhunwala