To be or Not to Be
You're not in a relationship but there are feelings, there's this attraction. No questions asked, no reasons sought... is it love?brunch Updated: Jun 16, 2012 12:33 IST
Now this one’s a little convoluted… not that relationships anyway aren’t, but this one is somewhat a state of limbo – a situation when you feel and you don’t. When you can but you don’t know if you should and, when you want to but you just don’t!
Confused? Of course you are. And so am I. I sure don’t believe in the least that relationships and feelings are straight up. But it’s easier with the ones that are defined. What really become complicated are the other ones. And no I am not talking of extra maritals – those are also simple – well somewhat…
What we have here is a there-and-not-there syndrome! A so near, yet so far state… a la Kahaani style! Remember the boyish, cute rookie cop Rana who goes all out to help the very pregnant Vidya Balan in her search for her missing husband? Remember his forlorn looks every time Vidya walked away or was upset? Remember his longing that translated into trying to solve every problem for her? And remember his look of defeat during the climax when she disappears into the crowd? He wasn’t defeated at being a good cop. It was a defeat of his love for her. He knew he would never see her again. Not that he ever expected her to be with him. Not that she ever promised a life ever after. But, for him, somewhere, it was Love lost!
But was it love? Or just attraction? It is a tough choice. And it happens at least once in a life time with each of us. I call it love simply because it is utterly selfless. That deep attraction towards someone that makes you go out of your way, just to ensure that he or she is happier. There are no whys and hows. The feeling just exists. And the probability of this attraction not turning into any sustaining relationship is very high—and we are aware of it completely. Yet we go all out.
It is these dynamics that perhaps makes an undefined relationship so, so attractive. No questions asked, no reasons sought. No promises and no expectations. There is no cheating and no space for excuses. And yet there is love, there is a sense of responsibility, there is a sense of being honest and faithful. And so there is confusion...
But it is beautiful. I have felt it. Am sure many of you have too. And those who haven’t, you must.’cause this and only this ‘confused love’ gets the best out of you.