Ageing is a slow process. But time, between the ages of 24 to 30, practically stops when your besties, exes, and your entire Facebook friend list conspires to make you feel miserable. I’m on the wrong side of 25 and I will tell you why:
1. From five-year-old Punnu to ten-year-old Dinky to 33-year-old Dinky’s mom, everyone insists that you be referred as aunty or uncle the moment they figure you are not in college. It’s worse if you are fat.
2. So you thought it was badass to drink 10 glasses of rum and Coke, still go to work or college without a wink of sleep in your prime? Not anymore. And when you slur after that fourth whiskey or throw up at the ninth, everybody in the room will judge you as too old. You’re not invited to THAT party again.
3. You can’t eat what you want and still stay in shape as long as you exercise four days in a week. You have to exercise every day of the week, make peace with the flab and eat carrots (and take small ladylike bites, even if you’re a boy) for the rest of your life.
4. Nothing lasts forever. Unless you are willing to give in to an open relationship or an early wedding.
5. YOLO, FTW, Noob, IMBA, IDC, IDK sound familiar? No? Of course not.
6. Judging women honeymooning in Bali in hot pants, chooras and sindoor bhari maang? Your mother will soon ensure it is you. Or your wife.
7. Single again? You’ll be introduced to loser after loser and every time you tell your friend, your mum, your brother that you don’t like the sound of that sweet boy who is a software engineer or the girl who runs her mummy ka boutique, you will hear this: “Milne mein kya jaata hai?”
From HT Brunch, August 18
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