Your alcohol-addled guide to watching a new drama show about a reality show.
UnREAL, a new drama set behind the scenes of a Bachelor-type reality show, has been this year’s unexpected TV hit. It reveals how fake and soul-sapping reality TV can be. You’ve watched Bigg Boss. You knew that already. But in UnREAL, even those playing the crew are stereotypes. Can you stomach the clichés? Order drinks, and start sipping as soon as you spot them.
* Our heroine (or anti-heroine), the show’s star producer, is a good girl stuck in a terrible job =1 sip.
* She’s better than all this you know? Just look at her T-shirt, it’s about feminism = 1 gulp
* Bechari! She’s back at work after a public meltdown, broke, and must work with her ex = 1 sip.
* He’s so nice, ya = 1 chaser. A glass of milk.
* But he’s engaged, to a pretty, goody-goody crew member = 2 sips.
* Reality show’s lady boss is an offensive, racist, ratings-hungry bitch, power-dressing in heels while shooting = 1 gulp. Preferably whisky.
* Boss lady is sleeping with super boss = 1 sip.
* He’s about casuals, cocaine and chilled breaks. She takes work calls mid-coitus! = 1 flute of bubbly to toast women who #LeanIn.
* Superboss is married. With lovely wife, and baby on the way = 3 sips.
* The reality show’s contestants include a qualified-but-black woman who’ll never get ahead, a hot-but-dull single mum, a manly-but-naive virgin, a slutty Brazilian swimsuit model and an aggressive-but-scarred orphan = just finish the whole bottle, why don’t you?
* The bachelor is British, moneyed, classy and with nice teeth = New drink. 1 si p.
* But he could well have been cast as a minor royal or badass football player = 1 chaser. Tea?
* Heroine’s colleagues are competitive, unlikeable and unsubtle. Only she has the instincts, the guile and the pesky conscience = 1 sip.
* So it’s okay to lie, cheat and betray confidences as long as you look cut up at the end of each episode; ganda hai par dhanda hai = Whatever’s left at the bottom of your glass by now.
From HT Brunch, December 14
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