Arey o, dekhna, kahin aam ke bhulekhe bomb na nigal jana; pata nahi chalega, kitna fata hai, aur
kitna baaki reh gya.
(Hey you, look, don’t end up swallowing a bomb, mistaking it for a mango; or it won’t be known how much has been torn apart, and how much is left.)
— Saint Gurmeet Ram Rahim Singh Ji Insan, Baba-in-Chief, Dera Republic of India
Using all-caps and multiple signs of exclamation are grammatical sins that should never be carried over from Twitter to a newspaper article. But, pardon me, I’ll have to do that today to properly convey my truest feelings about the divinest news announcement to have been made on the face of our planet, or even beyond, since the beginning of time — MSG-2 IS HERE!!!!!!!!!!
If you don’t know what that means, go back to your cave of ignorance. If you’re among the millions who do know, come on, raise your fists and repeat after me: Dhan Dhan Satguru, Tera Hi Aasra! Yes, it’s time to move over that amateur Radhe Maa and her kitty parties, and it’s time again to bow to the country’s bonafide baba-in-chief, Sant Gurmeet Ram Rahim Singh Ji Insan.
Mind you, unless you’re a devotee who already believes in the peerless powers of Papa-G, or someone who has experienced his debut in a theatre earlier this year, nothing can quite prepare you for the awesomeness of the trailer of what is the second movie of the Dera Sacha Sauda head.
Hardly was I getting over the 57-second ‘teaser’ that he, himself, tweeted and released the official trailer that lasts a full two minutes and forty seven seconds. Imagine the pleasure if it lasted 11 minutes!
I have been accused of being too enamoured and shedding all pretence of journalistic objectivity when writing about this phenomenon. That’s actually not true. I am in fact devoted to him, sincerely, and with no embarrassment or shame of any kind.
Tell me, which other spiritual guru, bapu, baba, saint or dera-wala, or even magicians trained in deception, can mesmerise you with such a spectacle of ‘true events’ in a trailer that frankly says adivasi (tribal) people are somewhere between animals and human beings?
Under normal circumstances, it’s hard to share your deepest thoughts on screen, and harder still when you believe that these buffalo-riding ‘shaitan’ or demon variety of people — the kind you saw in the Angara comic books from Tulsi Comics in the ’90s — need a saviour who calls himself the Royal Rock Star and a mere human being (Insan) at the same time. But this guy has never been normal. For instance, mere human beings cannot fight elephants; Papa-G can even throw one away, as if it’s that stick-thin unicycle-riding elephant from Coldplay’s video for ‘Paradise’.
To boot, he is a poet. Here’s his tweet (@Gurmeetramrahim) that announced the trailer:
“Making u happy with a Tweet #MSG2TrailerLaunch is to Greet Check it, watch & do Retweet May God shower Divine Sweet!”
His other, superhuman endeavours — including the record for having the most hair on an overtly-human body — have been written about extensively by yours truly and others. It is his brazenness that stands out in the trailer too, already a YouTube sensation watched over 4 million times. Releasing September 18, this is only the second in a planned series of seven movies, shooting for which goes on, no matter what anyone writes.
The easiest reaction is to blame his devotees or even dismiss them as stupid people seeking nirvana through a man who can well be seen as a living proof of how obsessed we are with material comforts. Don’t get that serious and academic, though. We are all subservient to our beliefs. For instance, right now, I am of the firm belief that there is no better actor in the world than Papa-G.