Years ago, I refused to emigrate to the US for post-MBBS studies, even after clearing its qualifying examination with distinction. I said goodbye to American citizenship and greener pastures. Apart from the love for motherland and parents, what kept me back was also my weakness for Indian food and the scary thought of doing own chores.
“Made in India” we all know. “Make in India” we heard recently. I am neither a politician, nor floating any party but I offer to the leaders both my idea of promising maids to voters, and my slogan: “Maid in India.” I’d like to be compensated, of course.
Maid is an important factor in the health and happiness of the modern household. She is second mother to toddlers, accepted with all her faults, tantrums, choices, and tastes. Salary negotiation worries? Pay the placement agency and they’ll disappear, both the agency and the maid.
Nobody has yet discovered what makes the maid stick. In my wife, she has a free gynaecologist, and in me, her clan has a free eye doctor. All the spoiling and pampering doesn’t stop her from eyeing the neighbour’s house. She is Bilawal Bhutto.
Women have forgotten and forgiven Shiney Ahuja, so the guests who come with the maid are greeted with wide grins, nobody asking: “Athithi kab jaoge?” The expatriates fly out with their maids, even if they have to do a visa scam. Mothers they call over later, after the birth of their grandchildren. India is modern, while the west hasn’t moved on from no-maid-ic times.
In times to come, brides will be asked to bring maids in dowry. There will be instant acceptance. Of the maid, of course; what did you think? It is the secret to the tranquillity of the house. If you get food depends on if you have a maid in the house. We are having a lean season. I don’t mean we have no patients; we have no maid for months now.
I am called upon to do jobs that medical school didn’t prepare me for. One has to do all things to survive. My better half asks me to leave the patients and go on a maid hunt. If I ask her to wait, she shrieks: “Why would you be bothered, you have a full-time, permanent maid in me?”
I request all my friends and well-wishers, and my dear readers to help me find a maid, of any shape and size, caste and creed no bar. Just give a missed call on 9815041500.I am not looking forward to Diwali. For me, Diwali will be when I get a maid. Waiting for my achhe din.