When the Taj wrote to Obama | chandigarh | Hindustan Times
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When the Taj wrote to Obama

chandigarh Updated: Jan 25, 2015 15:45 IST
Vikramdeep Johal
Vikramdeep Johal
Hindustan Times

Taj Mahal (from Sanskrit: Tejo Mahalaya, ‘The Great Abode of Tej’) is a Temple Palace of Lord Shiva located in Agra, India. The Taj Mahal is the finest example of Hindu architecture. During the Mongul rule, it was usurped by Shah Jahan from then Maharaja of Jaipur, Jai Singh. He then remodelled it into his wife’s memorial. From veda.wikidot.com

Respected Obama-ji,

Tejo Mahalaya welcomes you to Hindustan. Tejo who, you’ll ask. No, I’m not KJo’s boyfriend. Actually, they call me the Taj Mahal. As you plan to visit me with your First Lady, let’s get a few things straight straightaway. Don’t believe a word of what they tell you about me. The truth is that I was already quite old when Shah Jahan and his Third Lady Mumtaz were still soiling their imperial nappies. What’s written in the history books is a LIE, a colossal conspiracy against Hinduism.

Lest you think I’ve gone nuts, I’ll introduce you to Purushottam Nagesh Oak, the great scholar who set up the Institute for Rewriting Indian History and wrote ‘Taj Mahal: The True Story’. Right uptil his death in 2007, the tireless crusader kept making efforts to get me declared as a Hindu monument. He shouted himself hoarse that my trident pinnacle and lotus canopy had nothing Islamic about them. However, neither the Supreme Court nor the central government took him seriously and he was dismissed as a loony myth-maker. But now, with the BJP sitting pretty at the Centre and the Sanghis on song, the stage is set to make his dream come true. Being the second most powerful man on earth (after Gurmeet Ram Rahim Singh), you can persuade Modi-ji to fast-track my case and launch Itihaas Bachao Andolan. You know, the greatest leaders not only shape a country’s future but also reshape its past.

If all goes well, the poor Indian men who can’t even erect a 2BHK flat for their wives, dead or alive, won’t burn with jealousy any more whenever Shah Jahan’s name pops up. Oak brilliantly observes that a stingy, womanising emperor “who did not build any palaces for Mumtaz while she was alive, would not build a fabulous mausoleum for a corpse which was no longer kicking or clicking.” In short, he proved beyond doubt that Shah Jahan was not my creator – he merely converted me. And now it’s time for my grand ghar wapsi.

If there’s anybody who deserves a memorial on the banks of the ultra-polluted Yamuna, it’s Oak himself. His other groundbreaking theories are that the Vatican and the Kaaba were also originally Shiva temples and that Christianity and Islam are derived from Hinduism. Had he been alive today, he might have revealed to you the Vedic roots of your Oval Office, while claiming that Monica (Lewinsky) was an avatar of Menaka, the mouth-watering apsara.

I’m certainly whiter than you, Mr President, but not even half as white as your White House. Hair-raising levels of air pollution have turned my once-snowy marble dome to yellowish-brown. The real culprits here are the SP-BSP-SP governments in UP. They haven’t done enough to preserve my fair and lovely complexion. At this rate, I’ll soon become as black as the UPA’s coal scam. What I badly need is a uniform, long-lasting colour. My choice? It’s surely saffron. No other hue would make me feel safe. Frankly speaking, I don’t want to go down in Indian history like the Babri Masjid.

Yours truly,


PS: As per highly-replaced sources, Obama cancelled his Taj visit after reading this letter.