Whenever I ask people to accept themselves unconditionally and be proud of who they are, the invariable response is, “But won’t that make me over-confident and arrogant?” Today, let us put all such doubts to rest by understanding the difference between genuine confidence and over-confidence.
Genuine confidence has nothing to do with pride and arrogance. It is just an honest acknowledgment of our innate capabilities.
Confidence comes from valuing, validating and having faith in ourselves.
1 Really confident people do not try to prove anything to anyone.
2 They do not seek attention from others.
3 They exude a natural magnetism and charisma which attracts people towards them.
4 They exhibit joy and happiness at all times.
5 They are naturally radiant.
6 They are often very quiet and understated.
7 However, they are not afraid to speak the truth.
8 They express themselves freely when the situation demands.
9 They are always authentic in their expression.
10 People love interacting with confident people because they, too, feel confident in their company.
Now let’s come to over-confidence. It stems from deep feelings of inadequacy and an inability to cope with life. It is a compensatory mechanism to mask self-doubt. Arrogance is one way in which over-confidence raises its ugly head.
1 Overconfident people are usually loud and noisy.
2 They speak loudly and forcefully to prove their point.
3 They always seek validation from outside.
4 Even after receiving the approval from others, they experience emptiness inside them.
5 They do not feel fully satisfied with life and usually remain unhappy.
6 People display overconfidence because they do not feel good about themselves.
7 They display bravado to compensate for feelings of inferiority.
8 They like to make fun of others.
9 They cannot, however, take a joke about themselves in the right spirit.
10 Others can sense the self doubt that lurks behind the over-confident persona.
How to be confident
1 Don’t judge and berate yourself if you display overconfidence once in a while. Judgement compounds whatever it judges.
2 Self-confidence comes from within. No amount of outside approval or validation can make us confident from inside.
3 Be honest about yourself and your feelings. When you acknowledge your feelings, you honour yourself.
4 If you feel negative about yourself, examine your self-concepts and deep-rooted beliefs. Most of your concepts and beliefs come from your early childhood experiences. Re-programme yourself.
5 Forgive yourself. You are human and you can make mistakes, but mistakes do not define you.
6 The only thing wrong with you is the thought that something is wrong with you. Instead of trying to fix yourself, confidently reveal yourself.
7 Be kind and compassionate to yourself. “You yourself as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection,” according to the Buddha.
The more you love and value yourself, the more you will discover your power, and experience true confidence.
8 Start believing in yourself because if you don't do that, how can you expect the world to believe in you?
9 Congratulate yourself for doing your best, pat your back, love and accept yourself completely.
10 Remember that you have a free will to change, grow, evolve, transform, blossom and bloom. The power of choice always remains with you.