My final offer is $20bn: A ‘conversation’ between Modi and Zuckerberg | columns | Hindustan Times
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My final offer is $20bn: A ‘conversation’ between Modi and Zuckerberg

columns Updated: Sep 28, 2015 09:09 IST
Manas Chakravarty
PM Modi

Prime Minister Narendra Modi speaks during the Sustainable Development Summit at the United Nations in New York .(PTI Photo)

This is an alleged transcript of the PM’s meeting with Mark Zuckerberg in California, from a completely unreliable source:

Modi: GM Mark.

Mark Zuckerberg: Mr Modi, sir, GM, GM. It’s an honour having you here. I am a great admirer, in awe of the things you have achieved.

Modi: I do all this for the glory of India.

Mark: I was actually talking about your having over 15 million followers on Twitter and a humongous number of friends on Facebook.

Modi: Chill, Mark.

Mark: I’m so impressed I’ve decided to invest a billion dollars in India.

Modi: LoL.

Mark: What?

Modi: I said LoL, laugh out loud. Only a billion?

Mark: Ok, make it five billion.

Modi: ROFL.

Mark: Eh?

Modi: ROFL, rolling on floor laughing.

Mark: You drive a hard bargain, sir. Ten billion?

Modi: LMAO.

Mark: Oh my god. Ok, my final offer is twenty billion US dollars. Is that fine?

Modi: How about 50 billion?

Mark: 50? No, no, I really can’t do it.

Modi: Relax, just kidding. 20 billion is cool. Look forward to liking it on your FB timeline. Folks will know I promised AD and they’re getting it.

Mark: Alzheimer’s Disease?

Modi: Achhe Din.

Mark: Oh, sure.

Modi: Poke all your friends so that they see it. I’ll update our status to BFF?

Mark: Huh?

Modi: Best friends forever. Forward this on WhatsApp: Best friends are like stars in the sky. You may not see them, but they’re there all the time.

Mark: Like. Will poke.

Modi: And will you RT it?

Mark: I’ll gladly retweet it.

Modi: You see, India is such a large and diverse country, a good communications strategy, especially a social communications strategy, is absolutely essential and we have to use all avenues. Oh shoot, I’ve used more than 140 characters. Let me rephrase that.

Mark: That’s fine. We don’t have a 140-character limit for talking.

Modi: TG.

Mark: I didn’t catch that.

Modi: I said ‘Thank God’. BTW, I met Sundar Pichai from Google.

Mark: Was it really Sundar, or was it Google Talk?

Modi: I think it was him.

Mark: One can never be sure. Besides, Google is now called Alphabet.

Modi: Good God, I used to call it Google Guru. Alphabet Guru has no alliteration. What do you think of Alphabet Acharya?

Mark: Nice.

Modi: Let’s take a selfie. Do you have a cute cat?

Mark: No, why?

Modi: A selfie of us with a cute cat would be nice. Cute cats are the most trending on Twitter. Lots of likes on FB. Very popular on WhatsApp.

Mark: No cat, it’ll have to be just the two of us. Say cheese please.

Modi: Instagram it with the hashtag ‘epic’. That always works. When I met the Mongolian president he forgot to Instagram it. Total waste of a trip. I unfriended him immediately.

Mark: Oh.

Modi: Ok. TTYL.Talk to you later.

Manas Chakravarty is Consulting Editor, Mint. The views expressed are personal.