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The burden of abuse

To be abusive is a kind of disease that 'catches' others fast. And abusive people keep their tongues wagging, unaware that it hurts them back. Most of us are hurt when we become victims of abuse; and most of us try to hit back. PP Wangchuk writes.

columns Updated: May 06, 2013 23:26 IST
PP Wangchuk

To be abusive is a kind of disease that 'catches' others fast. And abusive people keep their tongues wagging, unaware that it hurts them back. Most of us are hurt when we become victims of abuse; and most of us try to hit back. As a result, there is complete disorder in one's behavior; and peace of mind and happiness is shattered. And one's family and people around too are affected.

The way to go is to ignore others' abuses and carry on, unmindful of the abuses showered on you? Why can't we understand that one who abuses us has a problem and it is in our interest not to "accept" the problem and maintain our peace of mind and equilibrium?

An abuser has a mind full of evil thoughts and mindless desire to shower them on others. His inability to control his abusive language is a reflection of the total chaos and disturbance that rules his mind and behaviour.

Flora Jessop, American social activist and author, has said, "To those who abuse: the sin is yours, the crime is yours, and the shame is yours."

These words should sink into our consciousness and we will see the difference of being liberated from abusive words. If you let them be a part of your consciousness, you are to be blamed. By not "accepting" abuses, you are not only liberating yourself but also trying to reform the abuser. The abuser, in due course of time, may come around and be a good friend. He will not understand your 'shout-back' of abuses but he will definitely understand your rejection of his abuses, though slowly.

The great Roman historian, Pubilius Tacitus, perhaps had this in mind when he remarked, "To show resentment at a reproach is to acknowledge that one may have deserved it."

You can't stop people wagging their tongues but you can definitely stop hearing their abuses.