Breaking news: I saw God yesterday. I’m not kidding. He was driving a silver Alto. And the rays from His halo seemed to have made the indicators of His car dysfunctional.
Because when He decided to turn right without a warning, He knocked down a motorcyclist. The hapless motorcyclist hadn’t even got up properly when the Almighty decided to get down and give him a rare darshan.
Can you imagine?... God himself making an appearance before you — to give you enlightenment and gyaan. We all gathered around, to secure our once in a lifetime moment. Actually, considering our roads, once in a month moment, but then how does it matter? God is God.
“Mujhe pata hai mujhe kahan mudna hai, aur kab,” God declared, staring at the shaken motorcyclist in the eye, chastising him for having come in the way. ‘Of course we know. Aap Bhagwaan hai, aap sab jaante hain,’ is what I wanted to say, but there was not enough space on the crowded road for me to prostate before Him, so I controlled my emotions. Not for long.
Because, in the rarest of rare lucky moments, another God just turned up at the scene. He was in uniform. I could have fainted out of excitement. Before people could start chanting hymns, this deity in human form held his hand up and said, ‘Aap log chup rahiye. Hamein pata hai kya hua hoga, hum jaante hain kya karna hai.’
All that grandma had taught me over the years about how God is present everywhere even when we can’t see Him etc flashed before my eyes in that split second. If I had been on that motorcycle, I would have gone straight to heaven, I tell you.
The two Gods chatted for a bit, and people kept staring, in utter reverence, till suddenly, the mobile phone of that lowly being — the motorcyclist— rang loudly and broke the holy reverie. The sound of ‘You are my pumpkin pumpkin, hello hunny bunny’ filled the air. It looked like the God in uniform would slap him, so he quickly disconnected and the crowd slowly dispersed.
I’ve been having spiritual thoughts a lot these days, as you can tell. I want to do research on God. Especially those that are living around us, in human form. You know just like the lesser beings are prescribed vitamin B complex, these people seem to be full of vitamin G-complex, and they think of themselves as no less than Gods. In their eyes, they are always right, nothing can happen without their intervention and the world will come to an end if they cease to exist. Ha!
God complex is actually a scientifically proven state of mind. Vishwas nahi hai toh Google it. Vaise if you Google everything, you may have a G-complex of a different kind. Anyway, people with G-complex can take any form, though they mostly prefer the spouse or the mother-in-law or the boss. My husband, mummy ji or boss, by the way, are not like that. Why? Do you have a problem if I want to secure my next month’s salary or my next year’s peace of mind? Jeene bhi nahi dete.
Jokes apart, this situation of the increasing G-complex abundance around us needs sorting. With humility, I’d like to make these points to people who know, deep inside, that they suffer from God complex.
1. Know it, stop it: If on any three occasions in the past six months, you have been told by someone that you are too full of yourself, you probably are. Correct it before you explode. You see, the more time you spend in complimenting yourself and your achievements in front of people, the less time you leave for them to pay you a compliment. Seedha hisaab hai, the loss is yours.
2. Real Gods didn’t bully: If you believe in mythology, you’d know that no matter what religion, the ones revered are also the ones who paid attention to everyone’s opinion, who suffered torture for the larger good of others, and who basically didn’t think they were the centre of the universe.
If anyone has given you the impression that the world revolves around you, please find that person and slap him. Because that person may just have said it out of love or something, but your belief in it will ruin your relationship with many others around you. No one, and just no one in this world likes arrogant people, whether they are in a position to say this on your face or not. Realise it, and you’ll be more empowered than bullying has ever made you feel.
3.Indispensable? Ha, ha!: Okay, think of the most important person in this world. Those who thought of themselves... come, lemme give you a hug for being so innocent and sweet. And those who thought of some film star or cricketer, let’s meet for some serious psychiatric counselling.
Vaise many of you would have thought of the US President, or our own PM...right? What, you didn’t think of our own PM? Okay, let’s just silently chant 66A three times and not go down that track at all. Yeah, so even if you thought of the US President or the Queen of England, you must know that at any given point, there are four levels of people pre-decided to take over if anything were to happen to any of them.
The world, my dear, has only one thing constant. IT GOES ON. If people at this level are not indispensable, what gives the right to you to think of yourself as irreplaceable? No matter how big or important— your organisation, or bank balance, or fan following is — it’s not even a tiny dot detectable with naked eye on the Globe. So, please, for my sake and your own, go out and look up in the sky. You do see that round bright yellow thing up there, right? The world revolves around it, not you.
Sonal Kalra secretly believes that G-complex isn’t all that bad. She just likes to lecture others.
Mail her some remedy for excessive vitamin G-complex at firstname.lastname@example.org or facebook.com/sonalkalra13. Follow on Twitter @sonalkalra.