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HindustanTimes Fri,31 Oct 2014
Romance is like cancer, says Cyrus Broacha
Cyrus Broacha, Hindustan Times
Mumbai, January 07, 2013
First Published: 17:23 IST(7/1/2013)
Last Updated: 17:26 IST(7/1/2013)

I am 27 and have always been single. I had read in one of your columns that you had 148 girlfriends. You seem to be pretty experienced. Please give me some tips on how to approach women. I need to meet more women and get out there. Help me out.
—Nikhil Rajyadaksha
Nikhil, I did have 148 girlfriends but not all of them knew we were seeing each other. Approaching women is exactly the same as approaching a puppy — slowly and gently. You will get plenty of time to pick up the pace later. When you come on too strong, chances are, they’ll think you are psychotic. Now, that’s not something you should share with ladies at least until after nine years of marriage. So, Nikhil, just go for it and don’t think of results. One day you may well go past my.....er....record. 

I am 22 and I am in love with one of my really close friends from class. But I’m unable to express my feelings. She’s told some of her friends that she only wants to marry a guy from her caste. And I am of not from her caste. I love her a lot. What should I do?
—XYZ
Mr XYZ, forget the caste issue. If you want to play in the band, you need to know at least one instrument. I mean, she doesn’t even know you exist. So please make the first move. Before marriage and caste politics, you need to get to know each other; before expressing feelings and making Karan Johar-like films, she needs to know who you are. So please get talking about normal things like plants and fruits. Caste and wedding issues are miles away.

I am 18 and I recently went for a camp from school. There, one of my male friends started flirting with me. He’s the most handsome and popular guy among my group of friends. Initially, I didn’t have any feelings for him. Now I am in love with him. Should I tell him how I feel?
—Saumilee Sali
Saumili, in the words of the great Geoffery Chaucer: “Kee Farak Bee Penda”. He flirted and initiated the romance and after giving it some thought you are ready to go. So gently return the serve. You both are on a pretty good wicket. With flirting, only practice and more practice makes you perfect. So attack.

I am 19 and am madly in love with my best friend. Last year, when I asked him out, he declined. After that, he started ignoring me and we parted ways. Four months ago, he told one of my teachers that he misses me as a friend and that he wanted to start talking to me again. When I heard this I was quite shocked, now I am confused. Should I try talking to him, or let things be how they are?
—Selly
Selly, are you a boy or a girl? Anyway, gender wont change anything. Looks like he wasn’t interested. Now your research department is sending you contrary signals. So please first research your research guys, make sure their research is thoroughly researched. Napoleon messed up his research in Belgium and see what happened at Waterloo. Having said this, he may have changed his mind. Romance is like cancer. We need to find a cure for both of them. Hmmm, I am guessing you are a boy.


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