Me: I think it’s a magnificent performance.
Reporter: The result wasn’t really a surprise, though?
Me: Oh, I was pleasantly surprised. I thought the other one with the beautiful eyes would win.
Reporter: You seriously thought Shweta Bhatt would win?
Me: No, it was a foreign sounding name.
Me: It was longer. Irene Sofia Esser Quintero, I think.
Reporter: I don’t think there was a candidate by that name. Which party?
Me: Well…ummm….she must have been there at the cocktail party, right? I mean if there was one.
Reporter: Never heard of that party. Anyway, what do you think was the reason for the big win?
Me: Oh, good looks, of course.
Reporter: You mean the carefully cultivated image.
Me: If you want to put it that way. I prefer to call it attractiveness.
Reporter: You mean the natty dresses? I believe a tailor in Ahmedabad supplies them.
Me: Really? That’s what I call globalisation. Did he supply the gowns?
Reporter: Gowns? I’ve only seen safari suits.
Me: Whatever will they think of next? I missed that. But I saw the contestants in evening gowns. They looked gorgeous.
Reporter: I can’t believe it.
Me: They looked even better than when they were in bikinis.
Reporter: Bikinis? Oh, my God, those hairy legs. Ugh.
Me: Are you some kind of puritan?
Reporter: Ok, Ok, I’ll try my best to be broad-minded. What they do in their personal life is strictly their business.
Me: And for your information, they shave their legs.
Reporter: Oh, God. Let’s get back to the topic. Do you think communication skills were important?
Me: Oh, it’s an essential part of the show. I love the part where they talk about world peace and poverty and caring for children. But the winner was an excellent communicator.
Reporter: Yes, for the first time 3D holographic images were used.
Me: My God, I thought they were real. But is it allowed to have 3D images instead of being there in the flesh?
Reporter: Well, the Election Commission didn’t object.
Me: Oh, the Election Commission has gone into this business too? I guess diversification is always good, you never know where your core competence lies.
Reporter: What are you babbling about? By the way, you haven’t said anything about development. Many people say it was a victory for development.
Me: How do you mean?
Reporter: Well, take electricity, for example.
Me: Ah, yes, the performance was absolutely electric.
Reporter: Actually, I was thinking of the physical infrastructure, you know.
Me: Look, cut out the euphemisms, ok? Her figure is good, but she’s shorter than Janine Tugonon, the runner-up, whose ‘cobra walk’ is fantastic.
Reporter: Who on earth are you talking about?
Me: Olivia Culpo, of course, the US beauty who won the Miss Universe 2012 crown last Wednesday. It was a huge win for the US, its first since 1997.
Reporter: Oh. I thought we were talking about Narendra Modi.
Manas Chakravarty is Consulting Editor, Mint. Views expressed by the author are personal.