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HindustanTimes Thu,21 Aug 2014
The great victory
Manas Chakravarty, Hindustan Times
New Delhi, December 22, 2012
First Published: 22:43 IST(22/12/2012)
Last Updated: 22:46 IST(22/12/2012)

Reporter: What are your views on this massive victory?

Me: I think it’s a magnificent performance.

Reporter: The result wasn’t really a surprise, though?

Me: Oh, I was pleasantly surprised. I thought the other one with the beautiful eyes would win.

Reporter: You seriously thought Shweta Bhatt would win?

Me: No, it was a foreign sounding name.

Reporter: Modhvadia?

Me: It was longer. Irene Sofia Esser Quintero, I think.

Reporter: I don’t think there was a candidate by that name. Which party?

Me: Well…ummm….she must have been there at the cocktail party, right? I mean if there was one.

Reporter: Never heard of that party. Anyway, what do you think was the reason for the big win?

Me: Oh, good looks, of course.

Reporter: You mean the carefully cultivated image.

Me: If you want to put it that way. I prefer to call it attractiveness.

Reporter: You mean the natty dresses? I believe a tailor in Ahmedabad supplies them.

Me: Really? That’s what I call globalisation. Did he supply the gowns?

Reporter: Gowns? I’ve only seen safari suits.

Me: Whatever will they think of next? I missed that. But I saw the contestants in evening gowns. They looked gorgeous.

Reporter: I can’t believe it.

Me: They looked even better than when they were in bikinis.

Reporter: Bikinis? Oh, my God, those hairy legs. Ugh.

Me: Are you some kind of puritan?

Reporter: Ok, Ok, I’ll try my best to be broad-minded. What they do in their personal life is strictly their business.

Me: And for your information, they shave their legs.

Reporter: Oh, God. Let’s get back to the topic. Do you think communication skills were important?

Me: Oh, it’s an essential part of the show. I love the part where they talk about world peace and poverty and caring for children. But the winner was an excellent communicator.

Reporter: Yes, for the first time 3D holographic images were used.

Me: My God, I thought they were real. But is it allowed to have 3D images instead of being there in the flesh?

Reporter: Well, the Election Commission didn’t object.

Me: Oh, the Election Commission has gone into this business too? I guess diversification is always good, you never know where your core competence lies.

Reporter: What are you babbling about? By the way, you haven’t said anything about development. Many people say it was a victory for development.

Me: How do you mean?

Reporter: Well, take electricity, for example.

Me: Ah, yes, the performance was absolutely electric.

Reporter: Actually, I was thinking of the physical infrastructure, you know.

Me: Look, cut out the euphemisms, ok? Her figure is good, but she’s shorter than Janine Tugonon, the runner-up, whose ‘cobra walk’ is fantastic.

Reporter: Who on earth are you talking about?

Me: Olivia Culpo, of course, the US beauty who won the Miss Universe 2012 crown last Wednesday. It was a huge win for the US, its first since 1997.

Reporter: Oh. I thought we were talking about Narendra Modi.

Manas Chakravarty is Consulting Editor, Mint. Views expressed by the author are personal.


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