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Anti Aunti

Have a boyfriend with a glad-eye? A colleague minus manners? A marriage struck by lightning? (Write in at your own peril)

delhi Updated: Dec 20, 2008 22:53 IST

My mum-in-law eats with her mouth open and makes loud glugging sounds while drinking water. I’m newly married. Is it too soon to be finding meals on the dining table unbearable?

Lalitha K, via email

Your mother-in-law may not linger on for the rest of your married life, but you better be sure her son hasn’t inherited any of her ghastly table manners. You’re quite cornered, I’m afraid, but you may as well go down with all guns blazing. Fast once a week. On other days serve yourself and take your plate to the TV room. Once a fortnight, plead migraine. Slowly but surely, her deafening chomps will be a thing of the past, and the real issues will come bite you in the...behind.

My waxing-lady is a chatterbox. Whenever I visit the parlour, she goes on about her husband’s diabetes and other family affairs. How do I tell her to be quiet?

Jyotika Chandra, via email

Scream that the wax is too hot. Fake a long coughing fit and close your eyes saying you need rest. Read a book. Plug in your headphones, turn up the music to full volume. And if nothing comes in the way of her yakking, stop tipping her, and discover the (more economical) joys of a razor.

A sleazy colleague is hitting on me. I secretly like it. What do I do? I’m engaged.

Nita Sen, via email

No point trying to come off as some wronged helpless damsel in this one, m’lady. Engaged is not the same as married — unless you’re about to teach me about commitment now. Make hay while the sun shines. Tell yourself Fiancé Mister will be having his own share of flirty fun before the wedding. Use that as a pretext to cozy up with your sleazy work friend. After doing the needful, do keep your hubbie-to-be posted. This way, he will ditch you in time, and you will thank me for enabling you to live a guilt-free, no-strings-attached life.

Recently, my ex-boyfriend of many moons ago sent me a friend request on facebook. He still makes my heart skip a beat. What should I do?

Sneha Jetly, via email

The options aren’t endless, are they? You can be the eager-beaver and accept his request, thereby bringing yourself up to speed by going through all his past photo albums and passing judgement on every new female face on his list. Or, the other option is to be brave, click ‘reject’, then kick yourself wondering if you did the right thing by being mature. It’s quite straightforward, really.

My neighbour is a horrible cook. She sent me some truly foul biryani on Eid and I haven’t returned her container as yet because I don’t see why I should thank her for messing up my digestive tract.

Lydia Enos, via email

Who’s asking you to? When the time was right, why didn’t you throw up in her container and hand deliver the regurgitated rice right back? Pity. But since this is the season to be jolly, I suggest you wait another week and gift wrap her some Christmas goodies with just the slightest hint of mould on them.