There were many words and phrases that made it big in 2012. Omnishambles. Gangnam Style. Fifty Shades of Pleb. There were also many words and phrases that never made the headlines, because they didn’t exist. But now they do, because I’ve just created them for this, your cut-out-and-keep
Dictionary of New Words: 2012 edition.
Armchair Paralympian (noun): Someone unable to use their legs for the duration of an exciting televised sporting event.
Chadult Movies (noun): Big-budget motion pictures featuring children’s characters and infantile themes that are nevertheless popular with adults on account of either their quasi-ironic appeal (Marvel Avengers) or dark and pretentious stylings (The Dark Knight Rises).
Cry Troll (verb): Of a celebrity, to claim any member of the public uttering even the mildest criticism is nothing but an attention-seeking ‘troll’ whose pitiful so-called existence is several rungs below that of the lowliest silverfish. Cupcaked Crusader (noun): The sort of person who, despite having a framed ‘Keep Calm and Carry On’ poster on their wall, gets vociferously morally outraged by 25 different things over the course of the average morning on Twitter.
Freedom of Screech (noun): The democratic right of any internet user to say whatever they like, as obnoxiously as they possibly can, to absolutely anyone at any time, without the slightest reproach or recrimination.
Guiltish (adjective): To be 100% guilty of something in the eyes of the media.
Moboglyphics (noun): The phenomenon of simple visual trademark gestures being widely copied by large numbers of fans for means of comic effect or loving tribute, eg the ‘Mobot’, Usain Bolt’s ‘lightning’ pose, the Gangnam Style ‘rodeo twirl’, Adolf Hitler’s ‘Sieg Heil’, etc. Semantic experts claim that if current trends continue, human communication will consist solely of eight-character tweets and Instagrammed moboglyphics by the year 2017.
Schofeeling (noun): The vague suspicion that someone might be a paedophile because of something you read about them on the internet/the glint in their eye during a vintage Top of the Pops repeat/a Newsnight investigation.
Yoloneliness (noun): i) The powerful sense of isolation a bewildered 21st century idiot attempts to stave off by bragging about her witless exploits on social networks, accompanying each boast with a modish hashtag. ii) Angst experienced after losing all of one’s friends following a protracted bout of online braggadocio, often enhanced by the grim realisation that the maxim ‘you only live once’ works equally well as a warning against such hubristic carelessness, so maybe you should’ve frigging well heeded it eh #yolo.