As children we all want to do things our way, even though some of our demands might not be acceptable to our families. In such a situation, one may respond by throwing tantrums or being stubborn on having things done exactly our way. The real reasons why things are not happening the way we want them to evades us in such circumstances. Here’s some help to deal with such situations.
1 Everyone cannot have everything: We want a lot. We have many expectations. Many things form a part of our wish list. When these things do not come to us, we feel bad. What one forgets is that everybody cannot have everything. What we need to remind ourselves is that if our friends or others have something that we don’t, there would also be things that we have but others don’t.
2 Never make comparisons: Comparisons never help anyone. One individual’s needs would always differ from those of others. No two people can have exactly the same possessions. So, comparisons would not help. Instead, focus on what you really need and what is in line with your requirements and goals.
3 There is a time to do everything: Time is not going to come to an end if you do not possess something that you perceive to be very important. Never forget that time is on your side. There will be ample opportunities for you to explore and acquire the things that you desire and deserve. But give yourself time. Do not be in a rush.
4 Tantrums don’t work: Getting all worked up and being in a huff over not being given something, ignoring meals, or banging at doors really is never a solution. Instead, talking things through by providing a clear rationale for your point of view would be more beneficial in eventually helping you acquire what you wish for.
5 Be aware of family finances: We can frequently believe that what we are making is a justified and reasonable demand. If different people around us possess something, then why can’t we? What is missing here is a clear understanding of finances. A number of times, parents have to refuse giving something to children not because they want to refuse, but simply because they simply cannot afford to it at that moment.
6 Take responsibility: Be responsible when you make demands or feel that you are entitled to a particular possession. Nothing comes with a sense of entitlement. Instead, if you are responsible, considerate and think things through, then it would be far more helpful.
7 Plan your needs: Plan what you need. Do not bombard your elders with a series of demands. If you are more organised with how and what you want, the chances of you getting your desired object are brighter.
8 Have a healthy communication with parents: Communication is the key to resolving all issues. Have a healthy pattern of communication with your parents. Involve them in what you do, in your thought processes and decision-making. The more they understand your perspective, the better it is. It is important that they should be able to see things the way you view them. And at the same time, it would ensure that you are able to have a better understanding of what your parents think and how they take decisions and solve problem.
9 Never let home dynamics be affected: Just because things do not go the way you would want to, allowing your disagreements to affect the home environment is never prudent. Make sure that in spite of the outcome of your interactions with family members, it does not affect how you would respond to them or behave with them. This would reveal your maturity levels to your family members and ability to understand things from different perspectives.
10 Be happy with what you have! We all have to learn to be happy and have a sense of satisfaction with what we have. We need to understand that being happy is not just associated with one’s material possessions but is also related to how one is able to see and understand the relevance of what one has and the sense of achievement and accomplishment associated with life in general.
The author is a psychiatrist, and chief, Department of Mental Health and Behavioural Sciences, Max Healthcare