Bon vivant Alyque Padamsee is never too far from the hottest gig in town. Thrice married and always surrounded by pretty young things, the Peter Pan of parties reveals the secret behind his famous mojo.
“I’m a teetotaler but ask anyone and they’ll tell you that I’m the life of the party. I can actually engage people in conversations other than drunken babbling.”
Padamsee also admits that he finds the company of men boring, and often finds himself drawn to female company instead. “Indian men only stand at the bar talking abut cricket and money. Women, on the other hand, can have conversations about art, books, movies, plays… they offer stimulating conversation.”
Padamsee wasn’t always the ladies’ man he is today. “In college, I was turned down because I was clumsy and didn’t understand social etiquette. But I learn’t... and I’ve been partying ever since.”
Often asked the secret behind his female entourage, Padamsee offers struggling guys a few tips on how to score that second date.
Rules of engagement
Say hi- Go up to the lady and ask her if she’s having a good time. Usually she’ll hesitate. That’s your chance to engage her in conversation. Ask her about herself, instead of telling her about you. I have big ears, not a big mouth. Most women, pretty or not, like having someone to listen to. That’s not something they encounter very often.
Dance, dance baby- I love dancing; if there’s no dancing at a party, I leave. Asking a woman to dance is easy because most women are tapping their feet in a corner while their husbands or boyfriends are gulping down drinks at the bar. Salsa, Rhumba, Tango... these dances require partnership which is much better than dancing to hip-hop alone.
Drinking etiquette- Don’t go up to a woman and offer to buy her a drink, you’ll make her wary of your intentions. Most people drink to relax... but why are you so uptight in the first place?
Body language- I’ve seen young men shake hands with women and then refuse to let go of their hand. They think it’s erotic, while woman are just thinking, ‘Why doesn’t this jerk let go off my hand?’
Don’t over do physical contact… but maintain eye contact with the woman you’re talking to. Women find it insulting if your eyes are wandering all over the room during a conversation.
Chivalry- Women still appreciate chivalry in men. I’m a great one for opening doors and pulling back her chair at a restaurant. Indian men have lost the art of chivalry. They’re all mama’s boys who expect to be waited on hand and foot.
Compliments- Going up to a woman you don’t know and saying “you have a beautiful figure” is tacky. Don’t get too personal. Instead, compliment her dress or her hairstyle. Women notice the finer details. Ask her about the book she’s reading at the moment and then compliment her choice.
The final touch- When you’re saying good-bye, shake her hand first. If she leans forward to hug you, be casual and put your arm around her shoulder without any extra body contact. Women are very aware of their private space and you shouldn’t intrude.