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Always use protection: Cyrus Broacha

entertainment Updated: Aug 13, 2012 16:22 IST
Cyrus Broacha

I’m 18 years old and my best friend ended our friendship a month ago. She even ‘unfriended’ me on Facebook. Now she has a new best friend. I am very upset with all this and want to be friends with her again. What should I do? Please suggest a way for me to win her back as she means a lot to me.
— Sameer Haptani
Sameer, being ‘unfriendly’ in cricketing terms, is like following a follow-on, that is, an 85 per cent chance of you facing an innings defeat. She has clearly given you the pink slip and typical of today’s employer, she has refused to even give you your three months’ advance salary. Okay, now I’ve managed to confuse even myself. So Sameer, you’ve been fired. My first suggestion is to move on. However, if you still feel strongly, at least wait for a while before changing your mind again. Time should at least cool her down, but be prepared for the same result — another innings defeat.

I'm 17 and have a huge crush on a classmate. I've tried to approach her but I always fail in these attempts. I feel I lack confidence and hence, I don’t know how to tell her about my feelings. But since I cannot get her off my mind, it’s becoming very difficult for me to concentrate on my studies. Please help me.
— Deepan D’souza
Deepan, here’s what you should do: a) take a deep breath, b) go and say hello. See, if you are a great hairy mammoth kept in a museum, she may approach you, stare at you and make the first move. Otherwise you have to be a little ‘dynamic’. How the hell will she know you exist, unless you ‘connect’ a little with her? Talk more.

I am 21 and studying in a suburban college. I find one of my professors very cute. He’s young, around 28 years old.
He doesn’t show any particular interest in me, so I’m not sure what he feels about me. He’s not even on Facebook, so there’s no chance I can know about his relationship status. These days, I’m unable to even concentrate on studies during his lectures. I just keepstaring at him. I know this is an awkward situation, but I want him somehow. Please advise me on how to make the first move and move ahead after that?
— Shamila L
At 28, the Grand Mongol Khan, Mongte Khan had control over the world, from Egypt to Korea and from Poland to the HinduKush. What I mean is 28 is an age when a man is trying to assert himself. This is the case with your teacher. Shamila, I have been both a teacher and a student often simultanously, so I must tell you this society frowns upon teacher-student relationships. Remember Fidavsi once saidvery quietly: ‘Sometimes the loving you do, is it worth the love you get?’ The end here may not justify the means. I'm not saying don’t try for him, just be warned of all consequences. Now about the process: It’s always the same. A casual conversation after class will always be your opening move. If he responds, then game on.

I am 26 and there is a girl in my office who likes me a lot. She sends me text messages every day and even asks me to meet her outside office. But the thing is that I already have a steady girlfriend and don’t want to cheat on her. But the advances from this girl are too strong to resist. I have even starting liking her a lot and now, she’s luring me away from my girl. I don’t want to break up with my present girlfriend because I love her. Do you think if I cheat on my girlfriend, she will find out? How do I avoid her finding out if I go ahead?
— Mr Cheat
Mr Cheat, at least your honourable about being ‘dishonourable’. Well, if you must know that in cheating one must follow the B.C.M. (Bill Clinton Method): a) confide activity to one secret area. b) tell no one, c) never use the wrong name with either girl . If your conscience can handle it who am I to stop you. Oh I forgot d) always use protection.

And I’ll give you some relief…. err… that is, provided, I’m not doing a headstand at the time.
Just write to uncle cy