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Close shave

entertainment Updated: Sep 20, 2010 12:41 IST
Mista D
Mista D
Hindustan Times
Highlight Story

Bored of your life? Tired of doing the same thing? The same friends, the same parents, the same siblings, the same idiotic roommates (in my case)? Tired of yourself, looking at the same face in the mirror day in and day out? Too many priorities, no money, too much to study?

I found the ultimate short term cure to get your mind off these things, and no, I’m not talking about buying a ‘slim sauna belt’ here. For years, after having been inspired by Hollywood flicks and a few wacky friends, I wanted to do what I finally did this week. I wanted to shave my hair. Well I didn’t exactly want to do a ‘Raghu’ (of MTV Roadies fame), but I did want the shortest hair possible.

So I took out my trimmer, gave it a good hard look. Did I have any shoots planned? No. Did I have any auditions planned with the current look? No, I’ve stopped giving auditions (the truth is, people have stopped calling me!) and was trimming my hair going to affect my life? As far as I knew, no.

So I dared. I stood in front of the mirror, set the trimmer to 3 and switched it on. I started from the side, bzzzzz click, bzzzzz click. One side finished smoothly in five minutes. I switched hands, cleaned the trimmer again and started on the other side. By this time the trimmer was behaving strangely, as if it had lost its hard on within five minutes. Suddenly it went bzzzzz…zzzz….zz…z.

To my shock, it stopped, and I didn’t even turn it off. And I was left gaping at the mirror. Panic followed, I cleaned the trimmer again, then I shook it wildly thinking that the battery might have died out. I tried turning it on and off in quick succession, tried whacking it too, but the rascal just wouldn’t start. My Philips QG3080, 7 in 1 grooming kit, “Create your own look”, as it says, had failed me in the time of utmost need. And I was looking like a punk drunk teenager straight out of an ’80s Hollywood movie. Or like Tom Cruise in Valkyrie.

So I persisted, I thought of my ‘hair-style’ idol Beckham and that gave me strength. I immediately left for the barber, but stopped at the most crowded place I saw on the way. A coffee shop in Lokhandwala. I stood there waiting for reactions, for heads to turn, to look at me and smile. After all, I’m not famous, so it won’t do me any harm if I just stand there with a weird haircut. Unfortunately, no one looked and I’d become one of them, one thing which I never wanted. In a way, I felt comfortable being a weirdo, being like the many ones who try weird things just to grab eyeballs, but that was never the intention.

The barber smirked at me probably thinking chala tha hero apne baal kaatne. Now, I’m looking like a figure with an empty head on its top. Or, as the optimist would say, like Aamir Khan in Ghajini.

Lokhandwala Lad khush hua! (Rubbing my almost bald head).

PS: Cutting your own hair is injurious to something. To what? I don’t know. It just is, so take my word for it and don’t try it at home.