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Cyrus Broacha gives life altering advice

entertainment Updated: Dec 22, 2011 18:01 IST

I’ve been watching this girl from my window for a while. I have even met her twice. But now she’s stopped appearing at her window. I don’t know what to do. Please help.
— Abhishek Saha

Oh ho Abhishek. Let’s hope she hasn’t fallen out of the window. The Beatles wrote a song title “She came in through the bathroom window…”. Sadly your situation does not involve a bathroom window, but just an ordinary window, so the song is useless in your case. You say you met her twice. Now, if she’s avoiding the window after meeting you then, that’s not a good sign. If not, then she may have just changed her windows, which means the doors are still open, if you get what I mean?

I’m 19 years old and madly in love with my cousin. I don’t know what to do with myself, because I am really scared of confessing anything. How do I tell her about this strange situation? Or how do I forget her? Please Cyrus, give me a solution for this.
— Mad Guy

Mad Guy, if you were Greek and this was 3,000 years ago, I’d probably call this is a good thing. But today, relations with cousins are frowned upon, especially just cousins. In fact, medical statistics say that those progressing from such an alliance, are much more likely to develop dangerous characteristics like extra eyebrows, hairy elbows or even an extra thumb. If she’s a more-distant cousin and since we’re all cousins, including the primates, in one way or another, then pick up the phone and start negotiations just like you would with any other girl you are attracted to.

I’m a backup dancer in films and new to this field. After I joined, I began liking this one girl. Now, I feel I am in love with her. Unfortunately, I’ve heard that she is a flirt and sleeps around with a lot of men who work with her. I still don’t have a problem with this nature of hers. My question is — if I tell her my feelings, do you think she will change for true love? Or am I just wasting my time on her? Basically, can she be trusted?
— Javed Jeeshan
Javed, how can I answer these questions? Am I this girl? In fact, I’m not even a backup dancer. Let me tell you first, that I have a big problem with people trying to change others. That is the cause of all our problems. If you are not okay with her, if you want something else, then get something else and leave her alone. It is not her, but your controlling attitude that needs to change. By the way, can you slow dance to Kolaveri?

I study in a college in south Mumbai and I have a huge friend circle. Most guys in my group don’t like wooing girls, they prefer married aunties instead. Recently, I accompanied a friend to his sexual partner’s house. This woman is married too. Her husband is out of town most of the time. Now, this woman has got my number from my friend and keeps calling me and insists I meet her. Would I be wrong in meeting this woman just for the sake of sex? Do you think I should change my friend circle? What do I do?
— JJJJJJ


Firstly, if you have the number handy on you, do you mind... err… okay forget about that. Look, I won’t get into the morality issue because the law on adultery is quite clear. But all I’ll say is that I know plenty of men who would swap places with you in a heartbeat. Sometimes, when one is young, one has to try things to know that they are not for you. For example, three years ago I wore a thong. I hope you get the point jjjjjj?