Funny man Cyrus Broacha comes to your rescue and doles out relationship advice in an unconventional way.
I’ve just entered college this year. I like a girl from my class and we are good friends. But whenever I talk to her, she seems to be more interested in studies. I really like her and want to get into a relationship with her. What should I do?
— Zain Shaikh
A certain Bill Clinton encountered the same problem as you, many, many years ago with a girl in his class. Of course he was the class teacher that time, so I guess that was a slightly different situation. But, what I’m trying to say, but absolutely haven’t, is that yours is a perennial and generic occurrence. Boy likes girl, but girl wants to keep it strictly business. The great Ukrainian poet Andrei Framsho once said, ‘Doohwah tak tah wahdoo’. This may or may not be Ukrainian for “can’t beat them, then join then”. Stay in the game and play by her rules. Talk only studies for now. As long as you are communicating regularly, you are going in the right direction.<b1>
I am 20 and want to know if it’s a big deal if I don’t ask my boyfriend why he broke up when I was so serious for a year. Everyone asks me the reasons for our breakup and I can’t answer them. A lot of people hate me for my, ‘I don’t care attitude.’ They say I’m not serious about anything in life. I’m tired of handling these weird people. Please help.
You are not Sachin Tendulkar or Dr Manmohan Singh, so as of now, you don’t have to worry about what other people say. By the way, are you a descendant of Percy B Shelly, the great romantic poet? Since you didn’t bother to find out the reasons for your boyfriend’s rapid departure previously, why bother now? Don’t dig up ancient history. As Shakespeare told Kalidas junior (through correspondence), “let sleeping dogs lie, because if you wake them up, you may have to take them down for a pee”.
I love reading your column every Thursday. I never thought I’d ever be in a love situation, but right now I need your help. I’m in love with my best friend. He was dating my friend, but that girl was a b***h and dumped him. After that, he was shattered and the only person he trusted was me. I was there every time he called me and whenever I looked at him, I felt love. Many girls are around him and this makes me jealous. I’m worried if I tell him the truth, he’ll never trust me. Help! — Pari
Pari, thanks for reading the column. You, plus my mother, means we have two regular readers, Which would make this a highly popular column. You’ve all along played the role of the best friend. If you want to apply for a new post, I think now is the ideal time. He’s finished one relationship and is about to embark on another, so strike now. Of course I may be telling you what you want to hear, because you praised me in the first place. But that’s human nature.
I am in the 11th standard and I like a girl from my class. I’ve never talked to her. She accepted my friend request on Facebook, but blocked me two days later. Nowadays, she keeps staring at me in class. I have her phone number. Should I talk to her directly?
— Deepanshu Agrawal
The Punjabi poet, P Singh Patiala once said, “Stare, stare like a bear, when you get married, you’ll have no hair”. While this makes absolutely no sense in English, in Punjabi it signifies very clearly that a person who stares is generally quite interested. If you catch her looking at you often, and if you are not very weird to look at i.e. you are not Cyclops or the Great Khali, then it’s time to play ball. Forget Facebook, you’re very much in the game. You’ll soon find out that ‘A woman and a paradox are often one and the same.’ (again a quote by Patiala not me).
Just write to uncle cy firstname.lastname@example.org
And I’ll give you some relief…. err… that is, provided, I’m not doing a headstand at the time.