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Fake Twitter profiles make for a great laugh

Like all things, Twitter is quickly becoming a rage. Unlike fake profiles on other social networking sites, Twitter fakes are using the microblogging website to make hilarious statements completely in character. Read them verbatim here...

entertainment Updated: Mar 02, 2010 16:32 IST
Nikhil Taneja

TwitterLike all things, Twitter, a new trend, where offline commoners have assumed online celebrity personas, is quickly becoming a rage. Unlike fake profiles on other social networking sites, Twitter fakes are using the microblogging website to make hilarious statements completely in character. So you have Bal and Raj Thackeray joking about the Marathi Manoos (people), Gabbar Singh ringing the warning bells for Ramgarh ke vaasi (citizens of Ramgarh) and Baba Ramdev telling you what kriya’(exercise) to do. Here are some famous fakes and tweets (verbatim) you’d want to follow.

Name: Swaraj Thakre
Bio: I need no introduction.
Tweets: 54
Following: 54
Followers: 64

Raj’s fake profile was created a while after Bal Thackeray’s. He talks in broken English (not Marathi) and has twitter showdowns with fakebalthackre.

Funny tweets:
The hot babes on Zoom are Maharashtrian I hope. Or I won’t give interview on that channel.
All the parsi are also the marathi manoos (people). They are doing the most for the Mumbai city.
I think all the marathi traitors should be beaten up. Mercilessly. What say @fakebalthakre? [sic]

Name: Blue Turban
Bio: I am the Prime Minister and I am on twitter. Right Sonia ji?
Tweets: 33
Following: 22
Followers: 18

He is here to propagate ‘Madamji Sonia Gandhi’, the use of Punjabi and his blue turban.

Funny tweets:
Oji...I am on twitter now... Madam ji se permission le li hai mainu (I have taken permission from Madam)
Lazy day today... hope no bombs drop
I’m told a woman led the Maoist attack... Madam ji, is desh ki kudiyon ko aisi inspiration?? (Is this how you inspire our women?)

Name: Baba Ji
Location: Sampurn Brahmand (Omnipresent)
Tweets: 54
Followers: 3
Follower: 36

Baba Ramdev’s twitter-counterpart is using the medium to virtually teach (in ‘shudh Hindi’) (pure Hindi) innovative kriyas (exercises) to his followers, like 'SRK Kriya/sarkiya’, and the next big thing, the twitter kriya.

Funny tweets:
Aap sab saans le rahe hain na..twi-tterr... twi-tterr (I hope you all are breathing)
Waise suna hai Tiger Woods bhi hamare ashram mein aana chahte hain (I have heard Tiger Woods wants to come to me)

The Secret Journal of Rakesh Jhunjhunwala, fake Jhunjhunwala’s real ‘secret blog’ has become a cult amongst web addicts. Apart from confusing Indian newspapers and magazines about his real identity, and having twitter showdowns with the real Pritish Nandy — @jhunjhunwala tweets about being awesome.

Q&A
Fake Rakesh Jhunjhunwala grants us the interview, but not before reminding us, “I am an eloquent, strong and charismatic individual, who’s phenomenally rich. You have achieved a level of greatness, simply by quoting my great name. I am glad I gave you the chance to talk to me.”

Why are you on twitter?
I invented twitter, hence I had to be on it to guide my followers; solve the problems of everyday life, spread my massive intellect and shower benevolence on the hallowed ground I walk every day. In other words — I’m awesome.

Why do you follow so many people?
If we introduce criteria to follow people, then tomorrow I have to start an entrance test like CAT, to find followers and follow as well. Rakesh bhaiyya never forgets his friends. He offers wise counsel to his friends. With my charisma, following and followership happen. Since we follow each other, I’m the leader.

What do people message you on twitter?
They ask me for stock tips, seek advice on solving the Kashmir problem, how to score a date with a hot chick, how to build the Taj Mahal, how to cure the swine flu, how to peel a banana, how to bake a cake, how to be cool, among many other diverse topics.

What if the real Rakesh Jhunjhunwala finds out about you?
Finds out what? I already know who I am.

Is there anyone you want to buy on twitter?

Nah! I buy stocks, not people. I am not a human trafficker, I don’t smuggle people across the border to force them into manual labour (I swear). I am the world’s 1062nd richest man, whose altar is the market, which I preside over as its God.

Any message you want to give to your fans?
Yes, if you have an infant, please don’t forget polio drops. Also, save the tiger and brush your teeth two times a day.

Name: Rakesh Jhunjhunwala
Location: Mumbai
Web:www.rakeshjhunjhunwala.in
Bio: I invented twitter, for I knew I was going to tweet about being rich.
Disclaimer: This is Fake Jhunjhunwala. The Real Parody writer of The Secret Journal.
Tweets: 8,008
Following: 121
Followers: 3,608

Funny tweets:
I built the Taj Mahal, won more Olympic medals than Phelps, painted the Mona Lisa, invented twitter and outran Usain Bolt, all in 1 day.
Come to my House, I will give you tea, but if you ask for biscuits, I will kill you.
Women are people too. Treat them well.

Gabbar Singh laughs his Sholay laugh, spits his Sholay spit and in his Sholay accent, sends out warnings to all the gaonwalos, basantis and thakurs, on twitter, to stay up at night in anticipation.

Q&A
Abhishek Asthana, Gabbar’s alter-ego, is a 20-something engineer. He plants intelligence into gadgets for his daily bread and chicken. He loves psychedelia, going blank and ‘phew-ing’.

Why are you on twitter?
I saw the villagers fiddling with their hand-held gadgets on a routine raid to Ramgarh. Someone was tweeting, “Bhaagoo! Daakuaaye” (Run, for the dacoits come!). Only then I decided to restore some sanity here.

Is there any hidden agenda?
I am here to recruit. Saambha and other sidekicks have long been kicked. You report to Gabbar and get free grilled chicken. We ensure your safety by giving you a gun. Make sure you have a criminal record.

Are the people, you are following on twitter, potential targets?
Ehe heh he! Hahahahahaah! Gabbar follows. Loots. And eats chicken. Hell yeah!

What do people message you?
Holi related queries, people asking for my hand(s) and swearing their allegiance.

Is Thakur not on twitter because you cut off his hands?
Thakur tried holding a toothpick by his teeth and tapping on some keys, wanting to type some Hindi cuss words to me. Bloody T9 was toggled on. Hahaha!

Name: Gabbar Singh
Location: Outskirts of Ramgarh
Web: www.kabhaiholi. blogspot.com
Bio: Leaves you with two limbs less!
Tweets: 1245
Following: 95
Followers: 405

Funny tweets:
Gabbar Singh was a visionary; he was pro-birth, why do you think he cut off men’s hands?

I don’t give a flying rat’s f**t about Dafaa Teen Sau Do! Tumhara ishq ISHQ, humara ishq fraandsheep request? (Your love is genuine, and mine is a friendship request).

Unlike the real Bala Saheb Thackeray, fakebalthakre is a rage among the North Indians and the Marathi manoos (people) alike. He gives his witty take on most of Shiv Sena’s real life activities and is a big supporter of, umm, Ajit Agarkar’s cause?

Q&A
In an email interview with @Fakebalthakre, he introduces himself as a “real Marathi Manoos (people), who has been forced to acquire a fake persona as a personal protest against the Sena’s tactics of hooliganism, and the failure of the government to protect free speech in our country.”

Here are his unedited replies (he insists on keeping his grammar intact since that’s his ‘persona’):

Why are you on twitter?
I am seeing the fellows are having the too much fun on the twiiter. I am coming to stop all this nonsense things.

You are so famous — why do you need to follow so many people?
I am the leader, so I must be following them. I am keeping hawk eye on all the non-Marathi fellows.

How do you pick who to follow?
I am following all the hot nubile girls. Or fellows who are the best frends of the hot nubile girls.

Raj Thackeray is also on twitter.
That duplicate fellow is the Suryaji Pisal! The traitor! So naturally I am p*****g off on him.

What if the real Bal Thackeray finds out?
That fellow is the cartoonist. And like him, I am also the fan of Hitler the great. I am sure the fellow will understand.

How do we know for sure you are not the real Bal Thackeray?
I am the real fakebalthakre. If you don’t believe, I will beat you on head with the stick.

Is there anyone you want to ban from being on twitter?
That sharuk fellow @iamsrk. That 1 number nautanki fellow is getting on top of the my nervous system.

Any message you want to give to your fans?
@Real_bin_laden is having more followers than @fakebalthakre. This is national shame for Hindus. Follow the myself! Jai Maharashtra!

Name: Bal Keshav Thackeray
Location: Matoshree, Mumbai
Web: www.fakebalthakre.wordpress.com
Bio: Shiv Sena pramukh, editor Saamna, Cartoonist, Ex-Remote Control, fan of the Hitler,
Disclaimer: I am the real fakebalthakre only.
Tweets: 549
Following: 281
Followers: 229

Funny tweets:
For Marathi Manoos: Good Morning fellows! For others: Aal izz well...for the now
People asking...Is Vinod Kambli Marathi Manoos? No, I am thinking Kambli is the Martian Manoos.
4 Types of Hindustanis 1. Marathi Manoos, 2. Bhaiyya off to north, 3. Lungiwala off to south, 4. Lungiwala Bhaiyya off to east.
Mumbai is only for Marathi Manoos. Jai Maharashtra!