So as we know, the weather’s going crazy. Continuous rainfall from June 2 to the present means Bombay has now a monsoon that is six months long and counting. Last week the Met department officially declared the city, a ‘Monsoon State’, adding that there have never been as few sunny days in a year in Bombay’s history than this one. That’s what you know. What you don’t know is there have been very interesting fallouts as a result of these rains. Consequences that can change history. Remember, you heard it first here.
The real estate lobby does not control Mantralaya anymore, it’s the umbrella barons. Every PR person is wooing them. They make and break cabinets.
Schools have been issued a directive by the government to stop declaring a holiday when downpours flood the city — when will the children ever study?
Sunglasses manufacturers have begun drinking heavily. There only clients remaining are Bollywood superstars, and they too have had wipers fitted onto their shades.
Nobody dares getting a sun tan anymore. The moment you flaunt one radical political parties know you are not from Bombay and they chase you out as a foreigner.
Hair gel manufacturers of the ‘Wet Look’ have begun begging at the Haji Ali signal. Hair dryer makers roll down their Porsche windows and give them Rs 100.
There will be no traffic jams this year during Ganesh Visarjan. People will simply step out of their homes and float the elephant-headed one to his home in the sea.
Fishermen have given up waiting for dry days to go fishing. After a trip to 'Whayneece' they now work as tour operators. Special boat trips take you through all of Bombay’s low-lying areas — Parel, Breach Candy, Grant Road.
The Mumbai Marathon has been hastily cancelled. Organisers are working night and day to hold the Mumbai Annual Swimming Gala. Michael Phelps will be Brand Ambassador this year.
Cricket as a sport has died in the city. The Kanga League is now a football tournament. And finally, my favourite – All fairness cream manufacturers have gone out of business.