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‘Get on with it. It’s over’

Just write to Uncle Cy

entertainment Updated: Jun 24, 2013 15:35 IST

And I’ll give you some relief…. err… that is, provided, I’m not doing a headstand at the time.

For the past one year, I’ve been in love with a guy. And I guess he knows it. I’ve tried talking to him, but he always ignores me. He’s studious and loves his books. What should I do? —Bhoomi
Well Bhoomi, since he loves books, you have three active avenues a) become a librarian, b) write your own book, c) become a book. If you find these suggestions extremely archaic, as you should, then I suggest show a little passion for his passion in order to quench your passion. This translates into French as ‘Try to show some interest in books yourself.’ Remember, studious men are also lovers. What do you think, Aristotle and Plato slept alone?

I'm 20 and I was in a relationship with this guy for two years. He got a job in Bahrain and within two months, he broke up with me. I came in contact with one of his cousins who lives there too. Within few days of chatting, he told me he liked me. And after I told him I too liked him, he started avoiding me. I don’t know what to do. —XYZ
XYZ, firstly I don’t know if India has an extradition treaty with Bahrain. It might be difficult to take action against this errant cousin. Now, the evidence is confusing. He liked you, but backed off when you said you liked him. Firstly, this is a common disease with young males along with acne and halitosis. In some cases, it’s a knee-jerk reaction, after which they come to their senses. So a frank chat will perhaps be best here. I’m never a great advocate for truth, but in this case, it may be your best option. However, remember what Bertolucci once said, “Men are happier hunting, than being hunted.”

My girlfriend broke up with me after a three-month relationship. She has a boyfriend now, but I still love her. What do I do now? —Darshan Pathare
Darshan, as Amitabh Bachchan’s character Vijay once said, “Isme kya hai?” The evidence here can’t be clearer. She lied, ignored, mistreated you and then left you for another guy. She’s long gone, get on with it. It’s over! As Vijay says in another super hit movie, “Voh chalee”. So start fishing again.

I have a crush on my best friend. She already has a boyfriend. I don’t have the guts to approach her as I am a bit oversized. What should I do? —Sandeep Gowda
Sandy bhai, feeling bad about your weight is a separate issue, for which, frankly, I’m not the right guy for advice as I believe in the mantra of ‘weight gain for life.’ However, if you’re not happy with your shape, it will affect you confidence. And confidence is needed to attract the other sex or even the same sex, so first decide whether you want to be proactive and lose some weight, before going back into the market.