There are many ways to dissect my current frame of mind, both positively and negatively. But for once I choose not to put a name to it, try and find meaning to it or even look for a solution. I choose instead to revel in it and let nature take its course.
Ever since I put my feet into a pair of high heels and stepped on to the Miss India stage, my life took on a new course. As things began to take shape, I jumped into it and charged ahead... filling my days, weeks, months and years with all of the things I wanted to do. In a certain sense it was exhausting... being superwoman in stilettos with a coffee cup in one hand and a packed schedule in the other. Don’t get me wrong. I loved every single moment of it but somewhere every single moment of my life was accounted for, never allowing me to be spontaneous!
And then suddenly for the past few weeks... I just let go! I wanted to just BE... to do what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it. I also wanted to NOT do things that I was expected to do. In a sense, I was breaking the walls and the compartments I built in my head over the past few years. And what a feeling it has been... indescribable in many ways... almost an out of body experience, where you have left your physical self behind and floating free above everything that binds you!
It has been wonderful. More so because I found a way to fit this into the needs of my everyday life. I’m preparing for my new film with Vishal Sir, keeping my commitments to everyone else and planning my (very packed) life over the coming months. I’m in Delhi today to receive the National Award (which I am hugely excited and equally nervous about). While here, I will also launch Haal Mureedan Da Kehna, my dad’s Shabad Kirtan album (which I am so very proud of) before I head off to start work on the new film. So life continues... irrespective of my frame of mind!
The one thing I have learnt from all of this is that it’s ok, once in a way, to give in to yourself... to have those moments of true freedom away from your responsibilities.
It will recharge your batteries in a way that you may never have experienced before. ‘Just be’ my friends... until we meet again!