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Learn to face the truth

entertainment Updated: Oct 15, 2012 16:01 IST
Cyrus Broacha
Cyrus Broacha
Hindustan Times
Highlight Story

Four months ago, I met a girl in college and started liking her. Four times a week, we meet up for college practicals and walk from the lab to the gate. I often text her, but she replies only if it has something to do with college. I really like her now. But I’m not sure if she does too. Sometimes I notice signs, that say that she likes me. She says that she wants to make the walks as long as possible. Whenever we get together, her friends tease her and she blushes. What do you think my next step should be?
— DG

DG, I am proud of you my boy. You seem to be involved in a very interesting lab experiment. Your whole story has a scientific ring to it. a) Exactly four days a week the event occurs. b) The starting point and ending point of mass into acceleration is the same. c) Thereby resulting in force. And if that was not enough, she even wants to elongate the mass or the acceleration. I think the result of this experiment will be very successful. Your next step is to simply carry on. In the words of modern India’s premier poet "all is well".

I am in class 12. I broke up with my girlfriend two years ago. She lives in my colony. The problem is, the more I want to forget her, the more I fall in love with her. She doesn't even respect my feelings. I’m confused. I want to ignore her but I can’t. Please help me. You are my last hope.
— Ravindra Bhopal (MP)

Ravinder, sorry bad news. Two years have passed. That’s a whole 20/20 World Cup cycle. In two years Alexander had conquered the whole of north west India and Pakistan. In two years my son has grown five inches. In two years Mayawati may be the Prime Minister of India. My point, is that she seems well over you. You need to accept that and move on. Face the truth and heal the wound as ChengKai Shek said to his son, who had gangrene. Don’t dilly-dally. Alexander did so in India, and died a few months later.

I am 29 and I am in love with a 17-year-old girl. Is that even legal? Also, I am simultaneously in love with a 32-year-old aunty, who’s married. But she likes me. Can I continue two-timing both these women forever?
— Cyrus JR

Thanks for asking me this. This question proves that I am the undisputed fascist dictator of love and romance. Can you continue? Since I don’t know the 17-year-old and the 32-year -old isn’t my aunty, maybe you should. As for the forever timeline, that’s fine with me too. Here to give it added credence I’m stamping this paper with my seal signifying authority.

I was dating a girl for three-months. But we had to break up last month because her brother found out about us. I miss her a lot and I want her back, but she’s way too scared of her brother. I really love her. How can I get her back? Please help.
—RP

RP, you are a part of the famous brother-sister- possible lover of the sister triangle? Luckily, I’ve dealt with it before. It happened to a friend of mine, and let me tell you that the brother and the sister’s boyfriend came to blows. But later, they recovered and fell in love with each other. And it was the poor sister who was left out. Coming to you, you need a two-pronged attack. You have to romance the sister and also sort of romance the brother. Since she is close and intimidated by him, you'll have to find a way to sweet talk him. Find out his interests and likes, get to know him, but for God’s sake don’t fall in love with him.

Just write to uncle cy

cyrus@hindustantimes.com