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Notes to myself

entertainment Updated: Dec 27, 2010 14:46 IST

Hindustan Times
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What follows is a series of notes I jotted down over the last week while attending a week-long lecture that turned out to be boring.

Monday: My body is at war with me and so are all the parts with each other. There is a fierce competition going on between them. Each side of my chest seems like a different island, both floating away from the other. My thighs have turned into scud missiles and feel as if they are going to blast any moment. My arms look like I tore them open, put some eggs in between and stitched them back. My back is like a different continent and my shoulders feel curvier than Vidya Balan’s. This is what a heavy workout makes you feel like. Yet, I feel like a Darwinian failure when it comes to my body. Six-packs, they elude me!

Tuesday: My mom calls me today and asks, “Why don’t you become an AD (assistant director) to someone? You can make contacts and become an actor after that.” I know where this is stemming from. Apparently, the lead actor in Band Baaja... (whatever his name is) has been saying in interviews that he became an AD and that’s how he got noticed. He goes on to say that actors should keep a low profile and not do commercials, so they aren’t seen everywhere.

Now, if I really voice my views, I’m sure they’ll be edited. So I’ll go with the milder version. What my mom and most others don’t know is that the movie was partly financed by his father. How do I know that? Well, someone who worked on the film told me about it. He might be able to afford not doing anything. But for normal people like me, we need to earn, so we have to do things on the side.

Thursday: Sometimes I feel like beating the daylights out of someone, grab him by the collar, punch him in his face, then in his ribs, and finish the game with a low blow to destroy his future fatherhood. This happens usually after a very heavy workout. I’m so full of testosterone after I pump iron, it blocks my thinking capability and increases my physical reactions. The bummer is, I’ve never been a violent person.

Friday: I get a call. I’ve been selected for two commercials this week. Can you believe that? I shoot for both of them soon! I’m excited. Last month too, I shot for two commercials. This has happened for the first time in more than three years — four commercials in two months, and I think, more work to come this month. Up yours, actor from Band Baaja…. In my excitement, I pen down a poem, which probaby won’t make any sense.

Now that my a** is on fire, My heart if full of desire, My focus which was defused, Was almost beaten and abused…

PS: Lokhandwala Lad is on Facebook. Add him!