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Talk with your mouth!

entertainment Updated: Jul 23, 2012 19:57 IST
Cyrus Broacha

And I’ll give you some relief…. err… that is, provided, I’m not doing a headstand at the time.

I am 19. Once, while surfing on the Internet, I met a girl on Facebook. We were in a relationship for six months. Then, one day she broke up with me all of a sudden, without giving any reasons. When I asked for an explanation, she revealed that she had a boyfriend. I was very serious about her and still keep thinking about her. What should I do? Please help. — Prasad Thakur

Prasad, Henry VIII had the same problem. He had gonorrhea, a skin rash, thyroid problems and an involuntary bladder. But the point I’ve lost completely here is that he had too many girls, while in your case, it’s about too many boys. But you know that already and I’m not helping, am I? What you need to ask is where you stand with her. In Olympic terms are you gold, silver or worse? If she puts you low on the list, face the reality — your London

Olympics are over.

I’m 18 and I like this guy for the last two years. He is my best friend and three months ago, I told him about my feelings. He said he likes me too, but has stopped texting or talking to me properly for a month now. He hasn’t given me a reason for this behaviour. I like him very much and do not want to lose him. What should I do? — Miss Confused

Miss Confused, let’s pretend for a moment that we’re both adults and examine the evidence: A) you were best friends. B) you told him of your ‘extra’ feelings. C) he agrees with you and then disappears. D) you’re 18, which means you’re old enough to drive. The goodness is that option D at least seems positive, but a quick period of A, B, C shows the bird has flown the coop. You’ve scared the bird off I think. Take a break and leave him alone, he obviously is terrified — this happens to most men when they have to deal with ‘feelings’, theirs or someone else’s. Give him some time to cool down, then try talking again.

I am 17 and have started liking a girl in my college. I haven’t spoken to her ever since she’s new here. How do I talk or strike up a conversation or be a good friend? How can I try to be nice to her? Please help. — Darshan Mota

How do you talk? Err, with your mouth, Darshan, with your mouth. Women generally don’t appreciate men who make sounds from other orifices. Now, you must decide how you want to play it. You could be the shy retiring type or the confident gregarious type, or in the worst case scenario, be yourself. First impressions remain forever. A tip about your first conversation — keep it short. That allows you to leave the battle with your dignity intact.

I am 15. I proposed to a girl from my school a few months ago. She said ‘yes’ and after a while, we started dating. Later, she wanted to have sex with me and I obliged. Should I leave her now? — Meethilesh Patel

So basically, you are saying that you’ve done your bit for your favourite NGO— Yourself. Having slept with her, you want my advice on whether to leave?

I say yes, if she’s grown a moustache since the time you first met her or joined the Nazi Party, or become a sanyasi. Otherwise, how can you be so insensitive? I mean, it’s the expected behaviour from males, but please don’t advertise it in a national daily like this.